BPDFamily.com

My ex gf has BPD. We had an on off relationship for about 8 months. During the beginning, everything was great, very intense and she was very easy to fall for, over sometime we would argue over pretty much nothing, she drinks a lot (I would almost say alcoholic) and the aggression would come out when drinking, usually over nothing at times this turned abusive and I found myself apologising for stuff that I hadn't done just to keep the peace. She was very manipulative and had quite controlling behaviour, she would constantly make me feel bad of guilty about stuff that I hadn't really done and during the time of us being together I went onto anti depressant medication which she would mock me for at times.
I found it hard to stay away from her when we did break up because I really did love her and when things were great, they were amazing. I also wanted to felt like I should look after her, helping her find work and letting her stay with me as she struggled to keep a job/house.
Over Christmas we argued a bit and I told her she couldn't come back to the house and needed to find somewhere else to live. Within a day or 2 she had another girlfriend...an actual relationship and moved in with her and acted completely over anything we had. I tried to ask how after such a short amount of time, how she was able to just transfer her feelings, because from what I am seeing, she is acting as if her and this girl have been together for months and are madly in love. She took this badly and gave me a big run down of our relationship and how dead end it was and how I triggered her anger and depression and how she has moved on and I need to sort my life out and she also accused me of a lot of stuff including cheating, which never happened but despite trying to tell her that she doesn't take it in and just calls me a liar. I have asked her not to contact me anymore because I need time to heal and she just couldn't understand that.

Since then I have had a few dates with someone else but I am finding it hard to not have her in my head. It hurts that she just jumped to someone new so easily like we had never had anything. I am finding it hard to have confidence in myself. I feel pretty emotionally drained from the relationship and pretty bruised and hurt and I am struggling to get my head around stuff and be ok. I am really just looking for any type of advice from anyone that has been in a similar situation and on ways that they dealt with it all.

So first I truly do understand your pain and your struggles. You have definitely found the best resource and support group you could find. Next, I won't delve too far into this personally because there is so much information here that you can learn quite a bit without my personal input. So I will offer some guidance in the form of tools to point you in the right direction...

Read this article: https://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/story?id=5533538&page=1

Read this thread from the past on this forum: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329294.0;all

Beyond this...as for how to heal I will tell you it all comes down to mind sets. So as I say to everyone...come from a place of power. Think abundance, not scarcity. No one is in control of your success and happiness but YOU. Regardless of your feelings and thoughts about the person keep in mind that if that person was the right one for you then you wouldn't have been treated the way you were. So please put this into your mind Want better, expect better, Do better!

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-