BPDFamily.com

My Wife has BPD, we have a 3 year old daughter.
She checked into an outpatient program because "I don't support her emotionally".
In a rage, she said she was going to kill herself. I took my daughter and was leaving.
She opened the back door trying to get our daughter out of the car seat saying I was kidnapping her.

I slowly backed the car out of the driveway. as I was backing up the car door she had opened slowly pushed her back to the edge of the drive way. She had me arrested for domestic violence.

Things just went downhill from there.

Last night we went back to our marriage councilor, where i proceeded to listen to her talk about how everything is my fault, in her outpatient program she realized I'm not a good husband and that I'm an alcoholic and she want's a divorce unless I save the marriage. She said it's solely up to me.

When we got home she said she was sorry we were hurting each other. Two seconds later she said That I needed to get treatment for my alcoholism. (I'm Not an alcoholic this is just her fail-safe way of shifting the blame) I said no, I don't have a problem with alcohol. She said then file the papers. I said Divorce papers? She said yeah. I left the situation then she texted me, "Please stop breaking my heart"

Hello Kyle and welcome to the family! :hi:

You've come to the right place. As heartbreaking as your story is, it's a familiar one around here. So many of us have experienced (or are experiencing) something very similar. And I've come across quite a few members (usually male) who've been accused of domestic violence. We've got a workshop about it here (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=87480.0).

Have you done much reading about BPD? We have some great articles on this site and can recommend books if you're interested.

It can all be overwhelming but we can help you sort through things and break a big situation into bite-sized pieces. The more detail we have, the better we're able to help. So when you feel up to it, I hope you'll share more.

Thank you Ozzie,

Thank you. I've read stop walking on eggshells. That's what brought me here. We've been married for 5 years. She always told me she was bipolar with depression. Our marriage councilor recommended i read that book and I was stunned, It all makes sense. She admits that she is BPD now.

I'm am and have been going through the same hell a lot of people here have.

Do they ever take accountability? Ironically that has been her main pet peaves through our counseling. She says I have no accountability and I'm entitled. I've learned about projection and that's exactly what's happening.

Do They ever realize that they are projecting there problems on you?

My wife acts like a child and threatens to divorce me at least once a day.

Do they ever take accountability? Sometimes. It depends on their self-awareness and how high-functioning they are. When he's not dysregulating, my H has a lot of awareness and he'll admit to and apologize for a lot. But that's after a breakthrough in anger management therapy -- and he was already high-functioning to begin with.

But that depends on the case.


What a coincidence! My H told me he wanted a divorce last night (he, of course, does not). :(

But seriously, it's a difficult thing to hear, though I've found that it loses its sting over time. I've warned him now that he needs to drop that threat unless he really, truly means it. It could have very negative consequences for him. But, as I said, he's self-aware when he's centered.

Is your wife still doing therapy (outside marriage counseling)? How does your marriage counselor handle it when she talks that way in-session?

She was doing an out-patient program but on the basis of the reason I'm here is because my husband doesn't support me emotionally. (All My fault).We have a really good councilor but he and I both know that she's in a state where she can't handle the truth. I've been divorced before and the piece of paper means nothing to me. The divorce threats don't sting, just drawing me closer to saying ok let's do it.

Exactly. That's what I'm thinking when I tell my H he needs to drop it or it could lead to negative consequences.

It sounds like she's not really open to therapy. I'm sorry. That's frustrating to live with. Especially when you're the target of blame and projection.

We've got a workshop about accusations and blame here (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=87204.0), if you want to take a look and see if it speaks to you and your situation.

Anyway, regardless of her therapy, there are things you can do that may help make things better -- or at least not make them worse. A lot of us here have seen real progress and success. I know it was an eye-opener for me to learn about JADE (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=139972.0) and SET (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0).

I, too, was led here by the Eggshells book. It really did a lot to teach me about H's behaviors and thought processes.