BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

I've been reading some of the posts here with interests, but never posted myself before.

I only recently came to the conclusion that it's very likely my younger sister has BPD. She displays a lot of very typical characteristics, but I want to concentrate on one in particular:

I'm the oldest of two siblings, but our relationship has always functioned as though I were the younger of the two of us. My husband, who has witnessed this phenomenon many times, describes it as "infantilization."

I was wondering whether anyone else experienced something similar?

In my case, it takes the form of constant criticism about every personal choice of mine and how "uncool" it was, rushing to the next "adult" milestone before me (makeup, drinking, sex, etc.,) using belittling terms of endearment toward me, acting like I was sweet and innocent compared to her worldliness, etc.

I too have a younger sibling with BPD, a brother who constantly criticizes me and does not see anything positive about me. My heart goes out to you hearing how your sister treats you. It sounds like it is very threatening for your sister for you to be a separate person from her and be an adult. It certainly is frustrating and sad when you would expect a sibling to support you instead of undermining you. You are married and have a husband that supports you, so in spite of how your sister has treated you, you have made your own life away from your family of origin. What would you like to change about how things are going now with your sister?

Thanks for your reply, zachira. Good to hear I'm not the only one!

My sister and I have very little contact now, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm content with that arrangement. I kept feeling like I should want things to be better, but at this point, I don't think being closer to her would be healthy for me or my family.

My husband and I recently agreed to terms under which we find it acceptable and safe to see her, and we'll stick to those. It feels strange, but it's also something of a relief.

You and your husband are doing what is best for you and your sister. Holding someone that behaves badly to higher standards is good for them as well. It can be a hard decision to go low contact yet that is what I am doing with my two siblings with BPD and like you I feel pretty comfortable with my decision to go low contact. You will likely always feel sad that you cannot be close to your sister and have the kind of relationship you would like. From time to time, I sit for a few minutes and quietly grieve the loss of having two siblings with BPD while recognizing that I am respecting myself and setting a healthy example by maintaining appropriate boundaries with them. I am so glad you have your husband and you are on the same page about what kind of boundaries to set with your sister.