BPDFamily.com

At a loss for what to do as our almost 19year old daughter just wants to blame us and doesn’t follow through with her therapy.

wanted to say hi, welcome
finding an outlet a safe space to say whats really in head and heart has made big difference for me
my daughter is older, but there is a similar struggle on off over the yrs
pattern ive noticed is sometimes a person can kno they need help but at same time are almost afraid to get it
as if changing their world is scarier than thought of feeling better
all the begging pleading crying didnt make much difference for my daughter the will to try therapy and/or see a psych had to b her decision usually when things hit a really low point and she finally was able to realize the defiance anger etc was hurting her as much as me

sorry to run on so long but ur not alone
its always fluid...sometimes wil b smoother sometimes rough but never stays same sometimes knowing even smallest light wil eventually be at end of tunnel helps us hang on

Hello Lisasomar and welcome to the group.  I think we all know the blame game. My BPD son blames me too. It is part of the disease. They don't know any other way of dealing with the horrible feelings they experience than to project them outward. The best I can tell you is to be empathetic to what your daughter is going through and try not to take it personally.

How do you respond when she blames you?

Maybe we can walk with you and try to troubleshoot different ways to respond that we've tried.

It's likely she sees that blaming you increases your guilt and gets you to back off a bit. I like the sentiment of acceptance and change: we did the best could and we can always do better. It helps with guilt so you can move forward and not get stuck there.

Acceptance and change are not always friendly neighbors in our minds  *)

When was D19 diagnosed?