BPDFamily.com

Good morning!

First of all, I hate that I’m even posting about this because it seems so trivial but I’m coming to you guys first, before I accidentally cause an argument with my pwBPD.

So in the 2+ years we’ve been together, Instagram has been a strange trigger for us...he has never ever posted about me publicly, even though I’ve met almost his entire family, hang out regularly with his son, go on tons of trips/adventures together, blah blah blah. I know it’s not a huge deal and I just thought maybe he didn’t like his love life all over the internet, no problem (his page is mostly landscape photos and the occasional picture of his son). There are hundreds of pictures of me and us on his phone but none ever see the light of day  lol. I asked him about it not long ago and he said that sometimes seeing pictures of me makes him happy, sometimes sad and sometimes mad and he doesn’t want to log into social media and deal with that  :(

I RARELY post him on my page because I don’t want to scare him/trigger him. I think I have 2 photos up with him in them right now. On our 2 year anniversary (in November), I just posted a picture of him with a lighthearted caption. He texted me not long after asking me to take it down. When I finally got an explanation out of him, he said that he felt like with everything going on between us (we still didn’t know about BPD then), that with all our time apart, he didn’t feel like we were “there yet”.

This whole conversation led to another breakup for a few weeks. Not long after, he deleted all of my comments from his Instagram. I was super hurt and took it personally, like he was trying to pretend I didn’t exist. When I asked him about it, he said it just made him too sad to look at.

Anyway, last week, I left a very generic comment on one of his photos (honestly was so generic, I may as well have said “nice pic! Follow my page!”). Within an hour he had deleted the comments on the photo, including mine. This was the very beginning of a bad deregulation/split. I have no idea if my comment triggered the whole thing or if he was already feeling weird that day.

It seems soo silly, you guys, but I’m just frustrated. I feel like he’s hiding me or doesn’t want anyone to know about me. But if you scroll through my page, he has no problem leaving dozens of sweet and loving (and PUBLIC) comments on some of my photos.

I’m anxious about it and really want to bring this up with him but realllly don’t want to rock the boat after a tough few weeks finally feeling better, so I’m dumping it all on you guys instead ;)

Thanks always!

are the two of you back together, officially?

That's so cool to hear somebody's story about Instagram. Actually, I've had a similar relationship with a non-BPD partner, but it anyway was tricky for me.
I think ig gives us a picture of something that is not relatable to our life, but makes a perfect image of life. I've used tons of fatures, tutorials on how to create instagram face filter (https://livedune.com/blog/face-filters-on-instagram) and so on to understand that some people just don't like to make it out in public.

This is so familiar. My most recent ex has bpd (bless her) and could never accept the idea of openly expressing our relationship status on any social media. It was as if she kept our relationship hidden. We were together for 3 years, yet many of the people in our extended friend group never realized we were together until years after.

The first person, before this most previous ex, who I had dated, also had bpd. It was the exact opposite. Our relationship status, for a short time (6 months or so,) became her identity all over social media at the time. But she posted everything she felt about me, ranging from the best to the worst, and the worst things she felt about me were very embarrassing and became very public. And people she eventually cheated on me with (and BPD patients aren't always cheaters) all knew who I was.

I would say, between these two, the latter was BPD and the former was quiet-BPD, but between the two, it was obvious that black-white splitting was pleasant. I may have also exaccerbated their personalities, as I believe I have (albeit undiagnosed) BPD as well.