BPDFamily.com

Please Help. 10 days ago we were trying for a baby. Tuesday she goes for a counselling session and ignores me for a few hours and when I spoke to her she said she needed to spend time on her degree and children ( from a previous relationship )
I instantly saw the tell tale signs and asked her where that left us. She said I wasn’t welcome to come round the house anymore. We no longer lived together. In the previous November  I kissed her in the morning and went off to work. When I returned that evening she had literally cleared the bungalow and gone. No note, I had no bed, no curtains, no anything so had to stay at a friends. She ignored my messages for 2 weeks, then sent me a very angry barrage of messages and we slowly repaired the relationship.
Back to now, she says I can’t see her children, I lived with her for 6 months, we can’t go on holiday. Today I woke up to a message saying “” I do not want a relationship.. I’m single!
Your v single Peter..I wish you well in finding yourself another lady.
I’m obviously heartbroken, go from wanting to get her help. She said she’s been tested for B PD apparently in the past and hasn’t got it. I’m all over the place mentally and would like advice on how to play things with a view to eventually getting back together. Sorry for the long post xx

Hi and welcome.  It is good that you are reaching out for support as this is so difficult and there is no reason to go through this alone.  We understand here.  Your situation, as painful as it is, is not an uncommon one.  We have had people go through similar and come out the other end doing even better regardless of the relationship outcome so you are in the right place.

Generally what we recommend when a partner with BPD leaves like this is to work on you.  Building yourself, strengthening yourself and focusing on your own growth is really the best option.  You don't want to chase her as that usually results in the pwBPD (person with BPD) pulling back even more.  It is hard not to reach out and try to talk or to understand why she is doing what she is doing but at this point the best thing is to give her room.

What are the options you are thinking of?  Can you think of any ares you want to work on in terms of strengthening yourself or improving your communication skills or anything else?

There's not a lot you can do for now. I would suggest to take your mind off of it and spend time with your family and friends. Is there something you enjoy doing that doesn't involve her? Then plan on doing that for this weekend.

It's hard and confusing but giving her space is the best way for now.

I am sorry this is happening to you. It's confusing and very hurtful when somebody leaves like that but you also need to take care and love yourself.