BPDFamily.com

Ok here goes
I'm in a romantic relationship with my boss who has moderate dementia and BPD.
Reading about BPD for the first time tonight has for the first time put words to my agony,frustration and confusion to my situation.
I have contemplated leaving this relationship but it is soo very hard because I love him.  This week I began to distance myself from him which is very hard also because I work for him and I need this job.  In my field, it has taken me quite sometime to have the schedule and pay I have worked up to. Leaving this job could mean a cut in pay.
Because of his dementia and now I believe his personality disorder It is extremely hard to have a normal conversation without it turning on me as being wronge or saying something I never said but he heard the opposite of what I said.
Today we had an episode where I got upset because he seemed to get upset with me and when I questioned him about it he said he was not upset at all.  He was clearly upset but because of past conversations and how he doesn't understand logic,  I began to internalize my feeling and began to feel very emotiona.  Rather than go the route of trying to talk it out, I stood up and said I'm going home.  He flipped out and began to withdraw from me.  We talked some and it seemed cleared up but tonight he told me on the phone for the first time he almost threw in the towel with our relationship.  

I feel your pain - and confusion - and the feeling of powerlessness. So many here are in similarly difficult circumstances. But yours is pretty complicated.

How do you know it's dementia? That's more complicated to diagnose than BPD, it could be normal aging + stress. Let's assume it is dementia, what happens when it takes over and he's unable to work or care for himself? Where will your income come from then? Who will step in to make decisions for him (children, other family) and will you benefit in any way from being available to care for him, and how will you do that if you also have to support yourself? Will his retirement cover his long term medical care and you and is that even an option?

If you two decided to cut the relationship off, would keep your job?

I can't tell you what to do, I'm going through a complicated situation myself, but if I had to suggest something that might help you down the road: start organizing your life, mostly financially, around the idea that you will be taking another job that pays less. Then start looking for other jobs. Worse that can happen is that you'll be ready for what you fear most.