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Hi all,

I've been stepping away and trying to focus on the positive in my life, and overall, I would say that I am definitely healthier and happier than I was even a month ago. I am more grounded in who I am and more invested in personal growth than I have ever been before, and my marriage is thriving without the stress of my family. So definitely positives to celebrate!
I'm going on month 4 of NC with my mom, and I am letting it continue until I feel confident the time is right to reconnect. For context, I've never been much of a dreamer, and I've definitely never been told that I talk in my sleep. The last few months, I have been noticing that I am dreaming more regularly about my mom, almost every night. The last few weeks, the dreams involve my dad now too, and they've turned more into nightmares. My husband has told me every day the last week that I've cried,whimpered, or talked in my sleep, and I woke up shouting one night. The dreams used to be disastrously planning another wedding with my mom, and her disapproving of everything. No surprise there. Now, they've turned into my parents both rejecting me, chasing me, attacking me, etc. It's weird, and it's really unsettling because I feel like I've made so much progress in my waking time. Has anyone else experienced this? Anyone have any input or suggestions about what is happening in my brain? My husband is getting concerned, and honestly, I'm a little freaked out that this is invading my sleep so much. Thanks everyone!

 :hi:  Hello!

I have experienced this.  When it happens to me it is often a sign that there is something that I need to take a look at and process from the past.  A lot of us will talk about dreams like you describe as we work on recovery.  I see it as a good thing, as a guide that I am making progress and I am ready to dive a bit deeper into processing my relationship with my parents.  I think of it as my brain and psyche having room and strength to heal now that chaos/abuse has stopped.  I know the disturbed sleep is a drag and can be a concern too though. 

Sometimes it is good to see a counselor who can reassure you and help you process the dreams.  Again, it does not mean there is anything wrong, just that sometimes some people need or want some help coping.   I know I did.

I do know for sure that reframing the way I saw the dreams made a big difference and helped me.  Rather than looking at the dreams as being a sign that something bad was going on, I looked at the positive side of things.  Not sure if that will work for you or even help though.

Thoughts?

Hi Choosinghope,

It’s great to hear about the positive changes in your life!


I’m going through something similar myself. Now that I’ve started my self-work, I’m realizing that the right time to reconnect will be much further down the road than I originally assumed. Is this similar for you?


All through last year, in the lead up to my decision to address my relationship with my uBPD mother, I too was suffering from the same type of acting out in my sleep and nightmares. Now that these disturbing activities have died down, I feel like for me, I was working through some repressed fear and anger.

I too was worried at the time. Now I’m feeling like it helped me do some processing, as well as highlighting that I need to address some issues (that it is the time to do it).

Sorry to hear you’re having this issue, but hopefully it will ultimately be beneficial.  :heart:

Thank you Harri and P2 for your reassurance! It is always good to know that things are normal and are working towards healing. After spending some time journaling about common trends in my dreams, I see that I am dealing with anger, fear, and the feeling of being controlled. I have always known that was there, and I have certainly been dealing with plenty anger the last few months. But, like you guys said, I think that this is coming out on a much deeper level. I will keep your encouragement in mind, and do what I can do pray, relax, and refocus on positives before falling asleep. I am just happy that it is, in fact, a sign of growth.  :hug:

Person2- I am so glad to see this post. I think you've commented on some of my recent questions and know a bit about all the changes we are making in regard to how we interact with my MIL, including having her move out.

My husband has been having incredibly vivid dreams, and he too is not much of a dreamer. He describes nightmares where his mom ends up in a homeless shelter or is back in a psych hospital. He also had one where she started attacking him and he had to retaliate physically. He woke up from that one panicked that he accidentally punched me in his sleep! (He didn't, but was thrashing a bit.)

It seems to be indicative of healthy change and growth as you are both learning new ways of being, even if not the most fun thing ever.  :hug:

Hi Spindle0516,

Yes, I’ve been following your posts about your current MIL situation (and I look forward to continuing to hear how it’s progressing).

Regarding what you said about your husband’s nightmare experiences:


I think that’s a great way to put it. The learning a “new way of being”, on a certain level, really provokes a lot of fear (such as fear of the unknown). At one time in our lives, our mother was all powerful; getting beyond that child response to the adult response is, I think, especially hard for children of BPD mothers.

I’m seeing here, those of us who have supportive spouses are extremely fortunate! It must be tough to be woke out of sound sleep by thrashing and shouting. I hope your husband’s disturbances die down as the situation with your MIL progresses.