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Title: mommy issues Post by: midnightchurch on February 06, 2020, 01:27:17 PM Hello. I believe my mom has BPD. Although she has never been officially diagnosed (she refuses to get therapy), she has always been challenging to deal with, and her relationships are often unstable. I am an adult in my 40's, so over the years, I have learned how to deal with her by setting up proper boundaries (lots of therapy helps too :) and not falling into her "traps." So next year, my cousin (his dad is my mom's brother...so my uncle) is having a destination wedding. Close friends and family are invited...sounds fantastic, except for one thing...my uncle and my mom are not speaking. Besides, my cousin (the groom) and my mom had a falling out because my mom wrote something on Facebook about her and my uncle's rocky relationship (she told me she didn't realize that when you comment on a post, it is public...eye roll inserted). My cousin confronted my mom, and the rest is history...another relationship ruined.
My husband and I are so excited to attend the wedding. I try so hard not to get involved in family drama, and to be quite honest...we will have a much better time if my mom does not attend. She seems to ruin everything. I have vowed never to go on vacation with her after she has ruined multiple family vacations in the past. I told my mom we are attending, and she didn't seem to be that upset about it. However, it is still a year away, and I am sure as it gets closer, that may change. Thoughts on how to hand this? I keep thinking this is not my circus nor my monkeys :( Thanks Title: Re: mommy issues Post by: Naughty Nibbler on February 06, 2020, 07:48:39 PM My husband and I are so excited to attend the wedding. I try so hard not to get involved in family drama, and to be quite honest...we will have a much better time if my mom does not attend. . .I told my mom we are attending, and she didn't seem to be that upset about it. However, it is still a year away, and I am sure as it gets closer, that may change. Thoughts on how to hand this? I keep thinking this is not my circus nor my monkeys :( Hi midnightchurch:I'm sorry about the situation with your mom. You nailed it - Not your circus, Not your monkeys! Stay out of the drama triangle & resist any urge to become a rescuer. Be strong with enforcing a boundary with your mom & others. Don't have further discussions with your mom about the wedding. Set a boundary to NOT discuss the issues with your mom or other relatives. Continue to look forward to the wedding. You mom won't likely mend all the fences needed for her to attend. Title: Re: mommy issues Post by: Turkish on February 06, 2020, 11:59:16 PM Attend the wedding. Your invite has nothing to do with your mom's disinvite or drama. Their conflict is between them. You don't need to fix issues between other adults.
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