BPDFamily.com

Deciding if someone is evil or sick is so hard to do. I think wondering and trying hard to figure out whether or not someone is BPD, just prolonged what was coming anyway. That's my takeaway. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. A good relationship doesn't suddenly sour, and the kind of work it takes is never existential. If you're asking these questions, there's something that's not loving happening, and if that's the case, it's time to move on.

After a harrowing week of serious crisis, threats and frightful fears, fights and tears, and real breakdowns in trust and respect - it's over. Then the postmortem conversation after a little calm, and an understanding that if somehow this ending hurts either of us, it would hurt all of us, and neither wants that. But it's over. What a relief. Now if trust can be rebuilt, it will be for civility at least, fairness, friendship at best. Has anybody succeeded in keeping their Ex-BPD as a friend?

 My ex would be if I wanted to. Let's just say that she likes me a lot more than I like her.  

The first break up, she declared it over. Then we went to a nearby cafe to have breakfast for dinner. She seemed relieved, yet still wanted me as a friend. She said I could stay with her as long as I wanted until I found a place. In the same room, in the same small bed. I just smiled and nodded while I completed moving to one of those daily rate motels on The Monterey, the street where johns and ladies of the night hook up. I had the cash to afford it until I found another apartment or a room.

Year's later, after kids, she was living her double life outside the home with her beau, a young college stud. She kept a journal on tut couch where she slept.  

She thanked God for both me and her boy toy.  Young, teenage like sexy relationship on one side, and mature Provider and Father on the other. She split The One she needed into Two. It was really odd. She even wanted to go to a concert with me, tickets for a popular diva I had bought for her many months prior.  I said no.  She said she took her mom. No idea if that was true, the money was spent and I didn't care.  

In my case, we could have been friends and we still could be, after a fashion though we have nothing in common apart from the kids. It comes down to you and what you're willing to put yup with. Maybe you can be friends.  Friends not with BPD or a pwBPD, but a person. But realize that you are also a person. Ball's in your court.  Remember that, and you'll be ok.  

Define success?

3 months, hardly long enough to call it. While we were bfgf we had between 3-6 months between breakups, so I'd call it after a year.

Yes, sage advice here.

May I also add: FRIENDS, not friends with a lover, not an ex you hang out with.

That's what it took me to try. I was definitely, most certainly sure I didn't want a relationship with her again. But other than that we're actually quite compatible, but relationship is definitely a no go for me.

History is there, never going away and we talk about it, but its night and day, as friends it became a historic curiosity to be poked at and dissected, not a blueprint of what could be/have been.