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Title: Child bpd impact on marriage Post by: Baldfiddle on February 09, 2020, 05:33:18 AM My 23 year old daughter has bpd. My wife blames me for it. Ive read the book by Randi Kreger. In short my marriage is at risk and i see my daughter struggling. So yes i have my hands full. We do have a great pschiatrist. Glad for that. For stat purposes, i have 4 kids, 23 25 27 29. Only the youngest has BPD. Others are stable.
Title: Re: Child bpd impact on marriage Post by: FaithHopeLove on February 09, 2020, 08:06:53 AM Hello Baldfiddle. Welcome to the group. I am happy to meet you and sad for what brings you here. Many of us myself included have experienced marital tension related to having a child with BPD. In the case of my husband and I it centers around different ideas about boundaries. What are the major areas of conflict between you and your wife?
Title: Re: Child bpd impact on marriage Post by: Done-er Stepdad on February 09, 2020, 09:11:54 AM I too blamed my wife for a lot of her enabling behavior that made our whole BDP situation worse. I even left for a while. I tend to over-react when I sense her giving her daughter any leeway at all.
But that's no way to live. I love my wife; she feels great shame over her past decisions. I do not want her walking on eggshells or feeling beholden to me. I want to love her and be with her as best I can. The book, Forgiveness Is A Choice, was very helpful to me. I too feel shame for a lot of the inappropriate (and completely understandable) anger I have shown towards my beloved wife. After love, our greatest task is forgiveness. It needs to be worked like a muscle. Please, the both of you, start today. Title: Re: Child bpd impact on marriage Post by: FaithHopeLove on February 09, 2020, 10:56:31 AM I agree. Love and forgiveness are key to healing. We have also found couples counseling helpful. Is that an option for you too?
Title: Re: Child bpd impact on marriage Post by: DoneMom on February 11, 2020, 01:22:20 PM So sad for you baldfiddle, I understand completely what you’re going through.
My husband Dd24’s stepdad of 10 years has been so good and willing to let me deal with it on my own... I was unable to do that due to my daughter’s extremely manipulative ways and my own hope that I could influence her...thus done. It’s a hard path and I wish you well. There’s support and help here so please stick around and make use of it. Dmom Title: Re: Child bpd impact on marriage Post by: Done-er Stepdad on February 11, 2020, 02:55:53 PM We play a bad taste game:
Mere kleptomaniac, Alcoholic, want's to marry a guy with a face tattoo? Yes, we'd prefer it. We have to watch True Crimes shows to finally be stumped. And a lot of those shows sort of land a little too close to home. |