BPDFamily.com

Hello Everyone,
It''s been a few weeks since I was able to post anything so I will discuss one of the meetings I had with my attorney.
I currently have 50/50 physical/legal custody of my son which I gained last year in 2019.  The nasty emails have stopped greatly and I have been going grey rock when she tries to make me jealous of he new man.  My attorney said perhaps I should attempt to make her deregulate via email for ammo to used against her.  I don't know if this is a good idea especially when my son is with her because she can get very violent and placing my son in that environment I don't think is appropriate.
I figured on this, the emails and nasty text messages have stopped, mostly because she knows there are consequences and she may loose custody of our son.   I think she is going to deregulate when I get engaged, married, move on, buy a new car, graduate school, etc.  I really don't want to provoke her to deregulate because I've spent the last few years walking on eggshells, literally.  Has anyone ever had an attorney tell them this. 
I believe she can't hold down the emotions for too long and I will receive nasty emails in the future.
Any suggestions?

One of my friends was instructed to do this - to a certain extent.  He'd show L emails from the ex, and lawyer would have him push ex's buttons a little. ALWAYS when the kid wasn't with ex (don't want child to experience it).

I would never do this except as a response to something already slightly off the wall. 

If what you currently have, communications-wise, works for you, and you aren't currently in the midst of a custody battle, then I wouldn't provoke.

You know your son's mother is going to dysregulate at some point, and it is important to communicate by email so you have the documentation. I would not try to provoke her as that could make you look bad in the eyes of the Court. You want the Court to see that you are doing everything to cooperate and are the better parent.

I have to agree with workstation and zachira. If you know the odds of her deregulation are a done deal (just a matter of time), why the need to provoke? As long as you are documenting, the story will eventually tell itself.

You know her. Follow your intuition.

Thanks everyone for your reply, I agree with you too.  I think there are plenty of things that exbpd will deregulate about in the future that I don't need to provoke her.  I am actually less stressed out since all of the nasty emails and text messages have stopped.

What was the meeting with the attorney for?

Are you strategizing to get more custody/visitation?

@LivedNLearned: Yes we are planning our next move, we believe that there is plenty of child alienation going on, however in the courts of the county I live in, he doesn't think it in itself is enough to file a petition/contempt.
As far as her deregulating, I think once she realizes that I moved on an am going to be starting over with a new girlfriend/life he may flip.  I don't know how she will respond but from other people on the message board it seems like this would be a trigger.

I understand your dilemma. Our lawyers may be smart, but they're not as close to the situation as we are. Follow your gut. Don't escalate if you are worried about S's safety. But I tend to tiptoe too much; others here may have better advice.

Good you decided not follow these stupid suggestions from this lawyer. Do not think too short-term. Do you want an enemy for the rest of your life who will be dedicated to destroy you?
Do you want to fight with yourex partner permanently till child reaches 18yrs old?

Just do what is right given the circumstances. But do not agitate her or fabricate things as your lawyer suggests.