BPDFamily.com

I haven't posted in a while. I want to share something that is bittersweet. A bit more than 2 years ago my uBPD wife left at my request. We divorced soon after. I began dating quickly and with a couple of exceptions met lot of very kind and stable women. 

I did have a few flings that we were all honest about, so no foul, but not what I really wanted.  I ended a couple of relationships that I know caused some pain but in both she accepted it and moved on.

Then I met someone I really connected with. We moved slow and had healthy boundaries. It was going really well. I thought I had finally not just moved out of toxic marriage but into a thoughtful long-term relationship.

The thing is, she just didn't share the same feelings. She was kind and honest about it and ended the relationship. I was more than a little disappointed and sad, but I respected her.

Here's why I'm sharing this. Even after you move on there are still ups and downs. Don't think that finally breaking out of the BPD relationship solves every problem. Heartache will probably still find you.

Even so, be done with the BPD relationship. Breaking up or being broken up with by a healthy person is entirely different. You're sad and at times deeply but there's closure and respect. And, like all normal heartaches, you recover.

I've met someone else, and again we're moving slow. So far, so good and I’m a little hopeful. Still, even if this relationship doesn’t make it, I’m so glad to be free of all the BPD nonsense... Friends, it gets better.

Hi, callmemark! Thank you for sharing your experiences about dating after a BPD relationship. I think there are a lot of members here who need to hear what you said. It can be easy to fear that we might end up with another disordered partner and experience the same hurt and pain as before, or think that once we get a toxic relationship out of our lives that we won't have any more problems in relationships.

Your story is a good example of how healthy boundaries can and should be exercised from the beginning of a relationship. This is how adult romantic r/s should be, with mutual respect and communication. No, it may not always work out how we want, but it's helpful to know that even if we are disappointed and sad about the end of a r/s it doesn't have to involve lasting wounds, depression, and devastation as many of our bpd r/s have.

Good for you for moving on in a healthy way and not letting previous experiences color how you see the future. I wish you the best in your new r/s!

I am a little jaded at the thought that "normal" relationships may feel bland and gray after my BPD experience. Is this a thought you ever encounter or are you always grateful for the rationality?