BPDFamily.com

Need help. Definitely don't know where to start. Currently engaged to someone with BBD. I've literally tried everything to understanding and supportive and encouraged my partner to get help. Thankfully she is about to enter a program to get the help that she needs but I am really struggling with the lack of empathy and understanding of what I am going through, which she doesn't seem to understand. It's almost narcissistic the way all the PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) that I go through is ignored. just really struggling with how to be there for this person anymore when I am just constantly treated like crap. Going to therapy myself but unfortunately my therapist isn't very up to date with BPD type things so I don't think that I'm necessarily getting the most out of it. I'm constantly dealing with belittling, emasculation, physical verbal and psychological abuse. I understand the dichotomy of the disorder but it doesn't change that I can only be here for her if I'm able to stick around and maintain the relationship...

HI.

It is tough to be support for someone especially when they are so emotionally needy and can not reciprocate.  Unfortunately it is not uncommon to not get our needs met in a lot of these situations, and especially not in the beginning of treatment, if ever.  It falls to us finding other ways to get our own needs met unfortunately.  Our pwBPD/BPD traits often can not do that.

Have you asked your T (therapist) if they are familiar with BPD or has helped people in very high conflict relationships?

I can confirm your feelings, if nothing else. Especially the part about belittling, emasculation, verbal abuse. It got to the point for me where I was afraid to even say something about my life or how I'm feeling about things in my life because I knew it be met with a snappy attack or lecture. It's the one thing I really started to notice in our relationship, it just became so one-sided- me listening to her talk about her stuff, mostly her ex-husband and what a jerk he was.

I began to get rather annoyed at it all, and I once let that annoyance slip in my tone of voice, and I believe that was the beginning of the end of the relationship. She immediately went from 3-4 calls a day and multiple texts to not responding to texts for phone calls for 3 days in a row and very elevated anger.

Ironic, isn't it? You want to be there for her, but she drives you away. It seems like this is part of the bpd pattern. And more irony, she calls me 'needy' when all I've done for the last 10 months is listen to her and support her. I think this is part of the projection. But it's so confusing.