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H packed a bag and said he thought it would be best if he and SS stayed elsewhere for a while -- at least tonight. ("It's what you did last year. This is the same thing? Do you want this? Well, I didn't want it last year.")

They're still here, though. I don't really believe they're going anywhere. I stayed calm and collected, told him I didn't want him to go but hey an adult and will decide for himself. Also that the end of a stressful day with alcohol in his system isn't the time for deciding something that big.

Honestly, though, it might be a relief if he left and I had peace for tonight.

Hi Ozzie,

I’m sorry and I hear you!  Not wanting but not wanting the offered alternative either.

I’m on day 4-5 of silent treatment from my H and sorting out what it means and next steps.

My H didn’t come home tonight at all. I only know where he is b/c my CC sends alerts of atypical charges. Staying at a hotel by your house is atypical.

I so wish I had something wise to say to you when you’re dealing with so much. I am not that person, YET.

But just want you to know I’m thinking of you and am here to lend an ear.

I hope he feels more settled tonight. Blessings.

Bill Eddy, a social worker and lawyer who wrote "Splitting," a guide on divorcing a BPD or NPD, said threats of leaving or divorce are common with BPDs, but they rarely mean it.

It's part of the push/pull of the BPD.  It is very frustrating for the non.

How are you coping with this most recent departure or threat of departure?

Yeah, I can't say I was too surprised -- probably because divorce has come up so much. That's why I was able to stay calm.

He didn't leave (didn't think he would). The evening ran its usual course: lots of ranting and rambling and repetition, then a return to baseline.

So glad everything was uneventful last night!  Nice job keeping an even keel this week.  #goals

 :hug: