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Title: I suspect that this is a major factor in my marriage and need help Post by: Dr.stormyweather on February 27, 2020, 10:30:31 AM Howdy yall,
This is my first post and I am extremely nervous to talk about this. I am pretty sure that my wife has BPD because of a lot of signals that I have observed over the years. Luckily we are currently seeing a marriage therapist and that is helping a bit, Something that I am struggling with is a feeling of being trapped because of my spouse makes me feel bad if I bring up any other friendship or talk about any other person. She says things like "why would you spend time with them and not time with me,- Clearly you only care about (said person) and don't care about me." It is particularly difficult in my family relationship because I have a mother who is Bipolar and my wife absolutely detests her and strictly limits how much time we spend with my family. Anyways, I feel trapped and don't know how to separate myself from her and establish boundaries. Do to her reactions, I no longer have friends or anyone to talk to and also I don't have anyone taking care of me or my needs for about 3 years. I am currently trying to take care of myself by exercising behind my wives back because she feels abandoned if I am not taking every second to spend time with her. So I do it during my lunch break at work. Title: Re: I suspect that this is a major factor in my marriage and need help Post by: Wrongturn1 on March 02, 2020, 09:44:15 AM Isolating the victim is a classic tactic of abusers of all sorts. That's what your wife is doing to you. I encourage you to refuse to be isolated and maintain your friendships and activities that are separate from your wife. Allowing yourself to become isolated didn't cure her, so obviously it's not helping either of you. I encourage you to take good care of yourself, which includes not being isolated! :-)
Title: Re: I suspect that this is a major factor in my marriage and need help Post by: pursuingJoy on March 02, 2020, 03:36:32 PM Welcome to BPDFamily, Dr.stormyweather! Your instincts are dead on. I was in your shoes with an ex boyfriend. No matter how much space I gave up, he demanded more. I agree with wrongturn - isolating is truly not a solution for either of you. Great job in sharing here and exercising. Keep finding ways to take care of yourself.
I feel trapped and don't know how to separate myself from her and establish boundaries. Pace yourself and take baby steps. It took you 3 years to get where you are, it will take time to take back the space you've given up. You're posting here. You're exercising. You're in marriage therapy. Is there another step you'd like to take? She may not be happy about it at first, you can expect push back as you change, but this is worth it. So proud of you. This is tough work but you can trust your gut! pj |