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I have my doctor appointment tomorrow for my follow up from my back injury.  It has been a little over a month now.  Still no charges have been filed. 

I don't know what to feel about any of this anymore.  Past week I have been dealing with some concerning things.  I have been feeling tired, a lot lately.  I know it's not normal and it has been making it hard to even do small daily tasks.  I slept most of the day.  I talked to my job about not being able to work all nights all the time and their response was to cut my hours.  It really was a slap awake.  I always care about any job I am in and I haven't been feeling appreciated and this has just made me feel even worse.

I am trying to switch daycares.  The ones the kids go to keeps telling me I have to drop them off by 9am and it makes it hard because I don't see the kids that much.  When I work nights, only time I see them is when I drop them off and then pick them up to drop them off with the babysitter.

I have put on weight.  I have always been thin framed, but I notice it in my belly.  I tried going to the gym.  I walked and did a leg machine, next day it felt like someone to a hammer to the middle of my spine.  I am hoping the doctor can fill me in on what I can do for exercise without causing such pain.

I've had some pretty nasty fights with my ex.  When we talk, he has been saying things that really get under my skin and I always end up losing it and going completely crazy on him.  He comes back and says he's trying to talk about things bothering him and he apologizes from not saying it the right way.  Tired of his apologies.  Fed up of his excuses or trying to talk to figure things out.  Whether or not he is being understanding or on my side, the slightest curt tone or comment where I feel attacked, I rip him apart.

This is the result of being with somebody like him.

Hi Frankee -

Oh my - I wish I was there to hug you and walk with you and listen to your story in person.  So I will need to offer you prayers for the length of this journey that you find and oasis or two to take a break from this incredibly heavy situation you are carrying.

May God give you rest for your soul.

Rev

Hi Frankee

I'm sorry to hear about your back.    I know how very tough that is.  Years and Years ago I broke two vertebrae in my lower back in three places.     It was very painful.    and it took me a long time to recover.    for a back injury one month is hardly anything.   I would say it took me about 16 months to be able to walk comfortably again.     and about two years before I felt 'recovered'.     the nerve bundles in the spinal area can take a long time to heal.    I had one pinched that eventually had to be ablated.    this is a long process.   going to the gym is a good thing but take it slow and easy with barely any impact exercises.    concentrate on your core muscles.   anything you can do to strength your abs will help support the spine/back.     gentle stretching.    work on the floor mat.   I would say stay off the machines for a couple more months.


you have a lot going on.   you're hurt.   you are in the middle of financial and family stresses.    it's understandable that you are irritable and down in the dumps.   it's perfectly natural.     however … we both know that arguing with him tends to flash over into violence.    this is inherently dangerous for both of you.    how can you stop these arguments before you lose it and go completely crazy on him?    can you build in a safe word?     something that means Stop Now.   and get some distance between the two of you?    is it physically possible to walk away?   can you manage things so that you are not spending time alone with him?   can you flat out tell him that you are not able to handle personal/deep conversations with him right now... that you need a break?     

boundaries are your friend.    boundaries are there to protect you.    boundaries can help you stay out of these endless circular arguments that go nowhere.

'ducks

Doctor said that it's not healing fast enough.  She gave me some stretches to do on a regular basis and wants me to start physical therapy.  Just great, more to pack into my already crazy schedule.  Her phrase was, if it hurts, stop doing it.  She wants me to go back on the back brace at work.

This week I start my clinicals.  I am nervous because of my back injury.  I am going to follow the doctor strictly.  I can't keep dealing with this and try to be doing my on hands experience.

He got a call today from the doctor.  They want 400 for an ultrasound on his testicles.  Apparently one of them is shrinking and he's freaked out about.  He also messed up his wrist and he took the medicine and wearing the splint, but it's not getting better so he made need surgery.  He also recently had large gas bubbles in his stomach causing pain he had to take a laxative for.

I am a believer or what goes around, comes around.  Whatever you put out in the universe, you get back ten fold.  Part of me can't help but think that all that is the universe returning the favor.  Also a big reason why I try so hard to be a better person.  I haven't always succeeded, but I keep trying.

All of this medical issues has seem to have distracted him from a lot.  Lucky for him, he has insurance.

Me on the other hand.  Today I am feeling better.  If I stay active and busy, I feel less like wanting to sleep.  I keep counting the days now.  Getting closer to being done with my CNA class.  I keep holding on to that little beacon of light for a better life.

the stretches' will help Frankee.   but its going to take a little time.   yoga or yoga type exercise will help.    it's hard to be patient.

let him take care of his health and medical issues.    you take care of yours.     we are never very good at putting ourselves first.    take care of you.   

you are going to do fine in your clinicals.     take a couple of deep cleansing healing breaths and try and relax.

hang in there.

The hardest part of dealing with a slow healing injury is accepting that the body needs time to heal. Patience. Easy to say; hard to do, especially if you’re used to being active.

Like Ducks says, focus on you. Not him.

You’ll pass your exams with flying colors. You’ve proven that you’ve got what it takes.