|
Title: Long distant relationship woes Post by: hexquad on March 03, 2020, 03:39:46 PM Hi.
I've been in a online relationship with a suspected undiagnosed borderline for the last 6 months. I knew within a week she was most likely borderline, but my ego got the better of me with infatuation stage. Within 2 weeks she wanted to leave her 13 year old daughter and visit me. Within a week she "loved" me. This was even before knowing what I looked like. Within a month marriage and children was a driving force for her to be with me. The 6 months have been hell. Even during the infatuation stage her rage, inconsideration, and self-absorption has been a daily occurrence. The devaluation stage began about 2 months after our first encounter. We would spend about 10+ hours daily online together in video, phone, and text. Then she wanted to hang out with her friends more. I integrated with her online friends, but she didn't like it when I got close with them and cut me off from them with various excuses. Her mood increasingly got worse after 2 months with spells of depression, isolation, and passing blame on me. 3 suicide threats with one of them claiming she was going to write a note and put the main blame on me. Sex (mainly on cam together) from the start was very intense and regular and has continued that way. There's no issues when it comes to that. She has a heavy online social presence (100's of 'friends' on the social media platform discord). Many guy friends who are attracted to her. She gets very jealous with women and me and I am now isolated from my former online community because we became too public and it caused trouble with people involving themselves with us. She used to shower me with love and now it's sporadic with regular claims that she "no longer knows me" and I "don't love her". Initially I would rage back at her disrespect and aggression. This would scare her. I have left her about 15 times only to return within 24 hours each time. She left me twice for several days but still kept in contact daily. Only been 2 days without talking during the 6 months. Since december I've mainly left her to contact me since she ignores me most of the time. This has resulted in her saying I've been neglecting her. I've explained why I've left the majority of contact to her but she seems to be projecting and won't accept it. Now we only speak about 20 minutes a day with her preferring just sex and napping together. This is a weird one and was hoping for someone to make sense of the napping. She will ignore my messages and hang out with her friends instead all day and night (I'm spying on her, so see her online activity). Terrible lack of sleep. But when she needs to nap in the afternoon she comes looking for me. It's just over phone, she seems to get comfort with it. Can anyone explain this behavior with the napping and sex but no longer wanting other aspects of being in each others lives? Title: Re: Long distant relationship woes Post by: once removed on March 07, 2020, 06:11:37 AM hi hexquad, and *welcome*
no relationship survives in a state of infatuation forever. generally around the 3 month mark (sometimes sooner, sometimes later), any relationship is going to see problems boil up. the hard part is knowing what they are, and how to navigate them in a way that strengthens the relationship. tough under the best of circumstances. having said that, long distance relationships have their own, unique challenges. what is the status of this relationship? how many times have the two of you been together in person? how did they go? |