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So my pwbpd and I have reconnected as friends. The first two weeks were great, we talked everyday then she picked a fight and cut me off. Fast forward two weeks later we are talking again and she tells me she is not my therapist , and to never ask again for support (something which our friendship was based on, both meeting in a grief support group). Further she tells me she has other people to now, and refuses to coddle me  with emotional support . The one time I came to her in months needing a kind word I got told to take a bath and call a hotline, again this was not her problem. This was someone I have done a lot for and have spent countless nights awake in the past consoling. She also gets upset if I share , or ask her to share anything too personal and constantly reminds me I am no longer her best friend, fwb or really anything but charity she even continues  to talk to me at this moment. In addition she has imposed very rigid rules on my ability to contact her , unlike others . This is someone I considered my best friend, almost family but I don’t want to lose her . Obviously this is going to mean backing off on my part and letting go a bit, but how do I do that gracefully ? There seems to be no point of talking it seems like it will only cause a war . Any ideas ?

She is, to her credit, trying very hard to still make time or a place for me in her life ...it’s just disappointing but I also know I can’t control another person and what they think or believe. The only thing I can control is how I choose to handle and respond to it. And I really do care and don’t want to lose this person. How can I handle this more effectively? Or Adjust my own perspective? Suggestions welcomed please . I am in need of some help here. She has no interest in genuinely talking about this or attending counseling

It can be difficult to feel unsupported and to have our efforts unreciprocated. I’m sorry. I hear the hurt and confusion.

It sounds like she’s being pretty clear that she wants space. So, I’d take her at her word. Follow the rules she set. But I would make sure the same rules apply to her. You don’t have to tell her that. Just draw boundaries in your mind and hold them with firmness and empathy.

Do you have other people you can reach out to for support? How are you doing on your self-care?

Hey Timberwolf,

This sounds really tough. It's a bad feeling when someone you give a lot of time and energy to seems to callously refuse any semblance of reciprocity.

However, you say she is making time to have you in her life. She also is asking for space. I would recommend respecting that boundary of hers - being that she does not want to be an emotional support for you. As Ozzie101 says above, this also means that you do not have to extend yourself for her either.

Easier said than done. My impulse is to care for someone I love/care for when they are in pain or in need. It's very hard for me to say no.

Do you currently see a therapist to talk about some of these issues? Do you have friends that are aware of what is going on and can support you?

Best,

-BeardedRadical