BPDFamily.com

I am mom to a 27 year old daughter with BPD. She was born to my schizophrenic/drug addicted sister and adopted by us at one year. She was born with addictions and had several drugs in her system. Needless to say, her struggles have been lifelong. My husband and I have legal guardianship of her. Starting at a young age, she has been in long term mental health facilities, chemical dependency treatment and last spring, she was admitted with anorexia near death. For the first time in our guardianship role, we had to use the boundary. She wasn't going to survive without a feeding tube (that she was refusing) and we had to override her refusal. All her life, I (mom) have been attacked - verbally and emotionally. There are moments of the opposite but the norm is attack. She is NOT physically abusive. We have been somewhat estranged for the past several months. h
Very little communication - mostly in crisis situations. She does communicate with dad. (He does no wrong.) Recently, she admitted herself to the psyche unit because of depression and full blown anorexic symptoms. She called me the night she went - as she always does in crisis. (I'm probably over sharing in this post but I feel some background is needed.) I don't know how to support her. No matter what I say, how I react - tone of voice, facial expression, even if I just listen - it is the wrong thing and always sets her off. I want to support her in treatment - she's begging for it - but I am very gun shy of HOW to do so! How do you all survive, manage, etc.? Looking for some help. Thank you.

Welcome to the group Mama24. No need to worry about overstating. This is safe space. I am pretty sure the challenges you face communicating with your daughter are familiar to all of us. The more you learn about BPD the better equipped you will be. I am on my phone now so I can't easily post links but a good place to start is right on the top of this page where several articles are highlighted. You are obviously a very loving mother. It may not always seem like it but you are making a difference in the life of this troubled soul.

Thank you.  Your words brought me to tears. Guess my emotions are rather fragile and tattered. Grateful for this site.