BPDFamily.com

So today marks day 15 of no contact and I'm struggling but trying to stay centered.

I seen my ex BPD tonight in the parking lot of Wal-Mart with her co-worker best friend as I walked to my car and they walked back in from break. She of course acted like I wasn't there even though I had to walk in front of them to get to my car. I wish it didn't hurt but it does.

I honestly think this new best friend is in a sense my replacement and as long as she's friends with this girl she'll likely continue being cold towards me. I also would bet she ran me down to this girl so she has to "keep up appearances" while with this girl.

Two years ago there was a period after a break up we weren't "officially" together but were seeing each other and spending romantic time together. One weekend we went to the same place we went on our first date a few years earlier and took the same pics. During that week she was pulled away from me and the next Sunday she came to my house and told me she got naked with another guy the night before but pushed him away cause she wanted it to be me. A year and a half later she found out she had H.P.V. and told me for some reason she forgets or blocks things and remembers now that he started giving her oral sex and she pushed him away. She thinks that's where she got it.

Anyhow that hurt but we got back together that Sunday. Later that year we broke up again and she was hanging out around Christmas with the same guy but said she just was trying to be friends with him. We got back together New Year's Eve.

She never told me who this guy was and I didn't ask. I found out the other day he's friends with someone I know and when I ran into the hardware store he seen me and told me he wanted to apologize. She had of course ran me down to him and when I mentioned the part about what she said about the sex he said "Oh whatever!" He said he wouldn't go into detail though but I'm almost positive she wasn't fully honest with me.

He seemed like a nice guy but wanted nothing to do with here and was upset with what she did. I told him I still loved and cared about her but she didn't want to hear from me so I had to just stay away.

I guess I'll just remain no contact and do my own thing. I guess that's best? This seems almost unreal and hurts deeply.

You’re not alone.  Thanks for your replies on my post.

We’ll get through this together.  I so appreciate your kind thoughts and words.  I’m pulling for you too.  Hang in there.  We’ve got to give them space and not chase.

Keep sharing, you’re definitely not alone in this, even when it feels like it.   :hug:

Thanks 2loyal!

So interesting development. Last month when she got angry at me she told me not to contact her unless it was concerning her cats or her vehicles that are still on my property. I told her I agreed and was going no contact. Two days later she did a 180 and told me she was sorry and she realized she wasn't being empathetic and was open to my open heart text message I asked her about a few weeks previously. A couple of days later she did another 180 I didn't want contact again.

During the time that I thought she was softening her heart. She unblocked me on Facebook that she had blocked me on a year-and-a-half earlier. I softened and changed some of my pictures of us from only me seeing them to public and friends seeing them because I wondered if she was going to friend me again. She did not so now I think she did it to look at my profile. After I seen her I looked at her profile and found that night she had done the same. There were now pics of quilts she made for my family for Christmas a few years ago and two pics of her kids and her at our faith's new temple that we went to the open house of a few years ago and the other two were of my son and I at that temple. I think she also changed a few of our vacation pics a few years ago when I took her to Canada to meet my family.

I think she was looking at my profile and seen I had done that so maybe testing me to see if I look at her profile and make more pics of mine public? I about did then wondered if this was her testing me?

I'm not sure what to think but I'm pretty sure it has to do with seeing I set some of mine to public.