BPDFamily.com

H is having a melt down tonight. So far I’m dodging it, but he’s falling apart after just 4 days being told to work from home.  Most ppl are worried, some are panicking, and sadly some of those panicking are heading the university for which he works, and they aren't explaining the virus well, so shutting things down is scaring many.  Add to this that both he as a diabetic and I as an asthmatic with an overactive immune system fall into the ‘at risk’ category even though we are in our early 40s. 

My birthday was just last week, he put a lot of effort into making it nice. I had a hard day, feeling guilty for wanting to enjoy my birthday just a scant 2 weeks from H’s father passing.  I cried a lot.  I am a BPD orphan, both parents bipolar/bpd, both NC for 1-2 decades.  H’s parents, as much as they’ve contributed partly to how he is, they have been kind to me and accepted me, and his grandmother did, too, and no one had to.  I’ve worried so much about I should feel when my own bpd parents pass, that I never really prepared for my father in law to die, even though he was increasingly ill.  We stayed a week with H’s mom, mostly cleaning.  I couldn’t stand the thought of her alone in the house struggling thru his last loads of laundry.  It broke me down many times, didn't want her to deal with that when she has plenty of things I can’t help with, like social security calls and such. 

 This week, I come home (we work at the same campus, I have different administrators.  His are 5 hours away, he’s a satellite employee) to find him at freak out DefCon 3.  I can tell him ignore news, we don’t watch broadcast tv, only streaming. But he has to read emails setting policy for his school and the idiots up there are just making everyone scared.  My school so far, while adopting the same policies under the same banner, doesn't seem to be as slipshod, even though my school is the ‘country mouse’ and H’s is the ‘mother ship’.

He's convinced we will both die, either from the virus, or looters.  We are in close proximity to Mexico, we do have drug corridors and less than savory people in this tiny town.  We don’t have bad or good neighborhoods, so much as his house has a law abiding family, this has a drug lord, this is his runner, this is a nice retiree, etc.  Our town isn't that big.

Our grocery store had to institute limits on goods, and still sells out.  Only 20 ppl at a time are allowed in.  They have shortened their hours of operation.  Walmart has done the same.  These are the only two places to buy groceries outside a few limited dollar stores close than an hours drive to Corpus, and they are facing the same thing with more people.  I am the one who deals with logistics, meaning his executive function is impaired just enough that left to him we’d have food going bad in the fridge but too much peanut butter. It’s how his mom shops.  I keep up with all bills, almost all pet care, house cleaning, plus my own job which is a bit more stressful right now.

I a,
M struggling with not invalidating him but trying to stop the ‘train’ of his emotions that builds and builds until he males himself sick. I think he is sick literally with worry, not corona.  And bpd makes him want to drag me down too.  Stress triggers my immune issues, which does make me sick.  I was very sick by the time we got home from his moms.  Not infectious, sterile fever plus allergic type reactions causing cough.  Ive been reassuring ppl for weeks this happens to me every year, calm down I’m not contagious p, and carrying tissues and hand sanitizer anyway to put ppl at ease.

How is everyone else doing?  How can you assuage fears you share but know you need to keep under control?

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I am relating to a lot of what you wrote.

My BPD bf is having a hard time regulating his fears right now too. He’s suddenly decided tonight that we need to sleep in separate rooms and no longer be affectionate, meaning hugs or kisses.,

We’ve just come out of a couple of harrowing weeks starting with him going into the mental ward for a week. And I guess I am still recovering from that whole drama. Tonight’s decision just made me feel so unappreciated, unwanted and unloved. Now, I’m alone in bed, crying and on this message board.

It is a stressful and strange time. And my natural inclination is to want to lean on my partner and try to support one another. But I guess that is just how his brain works.

Again sorry you are going through this hard time. You’re not alone.