BPDFamily.com

Hi

So for the last 3 years,  have had manager I work directly for, w a pd.
Am not sure of the diagnosis.
The person is exhibiting signs.
Self absorbed, mean, manipulator.

The person recently got a promotion, is in a different section and I will never have to contact them again, if I don't want to.

Am left with a sense of being beat up and while the abuser is gone, receiving no consequences for bad behavior.  My company is toxic on many levels.

I do not want to be a victim.  Am trying to work thru the last 3 years and who was I being and what could I have done differently.

The other thing is, I do not want to have negative feelings about this person.
I find myself hating and wishing bad things, I am thinking I wish they would get a taste of how terrible they treated me.
The others were also treated poorly.
From what I was aware of.

So the person got a promotion, that alone is unreal to me.
There are also unfinished tasks that were left, I am picking up some of the pieces and so it's more bad news.
Am hoping maybe someone could share experience, strength and hope.

I was in various areas of HR for 40 years before retiring, so I have experienced a number of PD leaders and employees. It is wearing and frustrating when their behaviors are not being dealt with. I'm sorry you lived with this for three years.

One perspective I can give you is that, in dysfunctional organizations, it isn't unusual for a PD manager to get promoted in order to move the problem to someone else.

Another aspect I've seen is that upper management doesn't see the PD behaviors because the PD manager has a different "face" for upper management than the one seen by peers and subordinates.

Does your company have an Emploee Assistance Plan? It might be worth using it for 6-8 counseling sessions to work through the experience of a toxic boss.

Thank you for your response.

They have empl. assistance.

I feel ok about posting here about this issue.

Am not strong enough to deal w going to a counselor at this point. 

Am in the relief phase.  Just pure relief.!

And also thankful that have safe places I can share this.

Thank you.

What I experienced dealing each day w my abuser, person entrusted to manage people.

What I experienced was a deliberate manipulation: sweetness designed for an extraction.

When the desired X was gotten, the abuse resumed.

Each time, before the extraction of the desired thing, I thought, wow, this is the real person.

Then the whatever "X" was gotten.

And abuse followed.

Like night follows day.

What I now see is a person who lives in total fear.
A person ruled by planning, manipulation, calculation.

If that person played chess, they would rival Bobby Fisher.

The other thing about this manager, all of this occurred during a personally trying time for me.

I think that is why it was so damaging to me.    had made the mistake of sharing w my manager the crisis I was undergoing.

Because of this experience, I have become much more careful about whom I share what.

Some people in my life choose to strike and make a killing at my cost.

When I am low spiritually, mentally, it can be difficult to be wise in avoiding the sharks out there.