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So recently me and my ex gf we’re dating. Really no big issues as far as I can remember. We weren’t arguing I spoiled her and she even recognized I helped her. Fast forward she gives me a call and asks to move in because of an argument she had with her family. I clearly couldn’t so I said no and she broke up with me. I tried talking to her to see what was going on and she said we need a long break. I asked her what she meant because we literally had been fine the previous day I slept over and everything. And she said she needed a long break. But she also said she didn’t want me to leave her and wait til she’s ready. And she also said she didn’t want to be in a relationship period. So the next day I was in tears and I asked her to reconsider to which she said no I like being single. And she doesn’t want to be in a relationship. While also saying we can be friends and hang out twice a week. But naturally I just blocked her and all of a sudden within a day of no contact she added me from a fake fb. And I called her out on it saying I don’t hate you I just don’t wanna see anything you post etc.she keeps telling me she is sorry. And how her ex messed up and how he wins.  How she mentally can’t be in a relationship. So what gives what’s actually going on in her head? And what do I do? Can I be friends with her or do I avoid her?

I became friends with my bpdex.

First time I said lets be friends after a breakup she wanted more than friends. I gave in. Eventually it fell apart yet again.

After a long time of no contact and having thoroughly moved on from her I reached out. We had a nice conversation, like we usually did, but now there was absolutely no desire to be in a relationship, so the anxiety was nonexistent and it worked out in the end.

Now we don't talk that often, but were on good terms.

Do you see her as your friend or someone you want to pursue romantically?

Its quite a different mindset, a friend is happy when you get into a relationship, is there for you even when you mess up yet again, in other words I think its a different kind of love.

Even if fwb there's a different notion of what sex with them means.

Do you feel like you could be an actual friend to her?

You invalidated her by not allowing her to move in.  Ergo: you don't love her.  

I'd been independent since I was 18, and hadn't had a roommate for 20 years other than I guy I roomed with for a few months  years previously. I hesitated on the moving in part.  We had been friends for 5 months but had only been romantic for 3. Moving in? She broke down in tears and accused me of not loving her.  Her needs were paramount and it wasn't a situation like yours where she needed a safe place fast.

I would not recommend offering that, it sounds like you're smarter than I was at the time.  Yet you might want to learn the validation tools in Lesson 3 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913190#msg913190) at the top of the board. If you're still communicating, there is hope.  But you need to understand what you're dealing with, to understand where she's coming from emotionally, understand how to better communicate, and learn boundaries.