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Title: Denial is a long river Post by: Equinmar on April 04, 2020, 02:38:32 PM I was in denial about why my daughters behavior was so volatile as a preteen and up to now. She’s is 21. Taking a leave from college and in rehab for drug and alcohol abuse. No idea what the future for her holds. Not at all what we hoped and saved our whole lives for.
Title: Re: Denial is a long river Post by: Huat on April 04, 2020, 04:09:07 PM Hello Equinmar and welcome to BPD Family forum :hi:
What comes to mind is the phrase..."Welcome to the club!" I'm pretty sure I speak for many others when I say that this journey life has taken us on is "not at all what we hoped and saved our whole lives for." Oh the dreams we had when those precious little beings were first put in our arms...us so unsuspecting that things could/would turn out so different. Our daughter starting acting out when she was about to become a teenager. So many times we and others with whom we consulted, just chalked her rebellion to be that of what a lot of teenagers go through as they adjust to hormonal changes. Yep, teenage rebellion...she will eventually grow out of it. Here I am, 40+ years later, a participant in a forum like this. Denial? I can't say that in our case. We knew there was a problem but what was it? "It" didn't have a name. There just wasn't the information on personality disorders that there is now. You haven't shared if your daughter has been diagnosed as having BPD. That is not an uncommon thing mentioned in members' posts. Our daughter has never been officially diagnosed but when a counsellor we were seeing first suggested this as her problem, I started to read/explore. The tick marks are there. So, no doubt you have a rocky road ahead of you with your daughter. It is good to read that she has gone to rehab for her drug/alcohol abuse...good that she was open to doing that! Now you are going to have to dig in and get armed with information on how to support her...how to look after yourself. There are no easy fixes...it is time consuming to do this. It can be discouraging if you try a "technique" with/on her and it doesn't work. Hopefully though, strategies will start to work along the way and what a feeling of empowerment that will bring to you. In "normal times" I would suggest going to a counsellor...but something to think about for later on. As one thing or another is shutting down during this pandemic crisis, there can be a lot of down-time for each of us. I like to spend time reading. In the material I was reading the other day was..."Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain." Too schmaltzy? Well, maybe, but...….thought provoking...for me. Hope you continue to post, Equinmar. I'm noticing that the traffic here is much slower these days...very understandable as people are facing other more pressing difficulties. With that said, don't be discouraged if you do post and there are later-or-no-replies. It has been a comfort to me over the time I have been here to put my fingers on the keyboard and pour out my heart and my hurts. Sometimes just reading my own words has given me incentive to carry on. Glad you found us. Huat |