BPDFamily.com

I'm new here , maybe posted once before.   Just finished another cycle that last  13 months.  Total time has been 4 years.   Each time I tell myself I know whats going on and that'll make it work.    She also started anti depressant and anti anxiety meds mid last year which seemed to smooth the bottoms.     Then as soon as we hit the new year we hit 3 times where she had complete dysregulation and  vile venom comes out that had been dormant.    "leave me , you abandoned me,  hate you,   you're a $&*$%"  Even though I've read it a lot ,  I'm realizing it's true that a black hole that cant be filled.   The closer you get the hole moves or gets bigger and swallows you.    Over what ?   I made one comment about something that happened a year ago and she percieved that I had left information out last year...now I was no longer trustworthy and the splitting started.  Hero to Zero.  I want to break this cycle because I can already tell I'm missing "the good times"  or as my therapist says the addiction.

Hey redone,  What would you like to see happen?  I'm unsure from your post.

Most of us on the Board, including me, have recycled, only to wind up in the same place, except with more pain.

We Nons like to caretake, but it's "never enough" for a pwBPD.  Trying to fill the "black hole" you describe is exhausting.

What is the right path for you, at this point?

LuckyJim

I know the wise thing is to move on.    Just need help on doing.   I've tried a few times and didn't work.    I didn't date anyone after last break ups and I think that made space for her to come back.    Trying to keep busy at work to take my mind off of her.  Removing pictures ,etc.    I'm up for any advice to get out of this cycle and get a healthier relationship.

Hi ,  and welcome.

Can you elaborate a little bit about the work and things you've done and tried so far?  Any intuition about what might mesh well with your personality?

Rev

I can see the long term relationship would be hard on my family and friends also.  Causing distancing that would leave me unhappy.

Seeing therapist for 2 years and  she was opposed to be going back last 2 times.    Now I got the "I told you so" speech about being a repeatable and predictable  pattern.   Predictably unpredictable.

When I read this I am happy I was not given the opportunity to be recycled because, I know I would have said yes immediately.
With what I know now, even if she comes back someday, I will just pretend I am dead.
A relationship with a BPD, even if treated is just... Not worth it and it doesn't matter how much we love them, we should love ourselves first and foremost.

Hi again,

Got your reply. You are asking for advice on how to move on - and obviously the "I told you so" from a therapist is not helpful.

That being said, it's really hard to offer clues as to what you should do if one does not get a sense of the kind of advice you got, what you have tried in the past to move on that didn't work, what you think is preventing you from leaving... like is there something that you know you are holding on to and shouldn't?  Or is there something that you are holding on to and don't know why?

This isn't a lot to go on here.

But once you let loose a little, which can be hard (it took me a lot of effort to seek the support I needed) things come faster I find and you find your resolve just a quick.

Hope you are well.

Rev

Hey redone, Only you know when it's time to get off the roller coaster.  Is it time, or do you hope to get a ticket for another ride?  Maybe your family and friends see something that you don't?  In my case, it got so bad that two kind friends and a family member conducted an intervention on me.  The possibility of losing my relationships with those people was too high a price for me.  From that point on, I knew that I had to leave my BPDxW.

LJ

What's the hook other than missing good times? Is there something deeper?