BPDFamily.com

Hi I'm tired of getting triggered and feeling devastated when my husband splits, blames me, is paranoid I'll leave him or don't love him and pushes me away feeling abandoned and unloved. I know I "can't win" and I didn't do anything wrong but that's what my inner child/teen goes to.  And then I feel abandoned & resentful.  I'm tired of being the "grown up" taking care of the bills & feeling lonely. I love him, know he loves me as he can and he is not doing the deep work I believe would shift things.  I know in an emergency I can't fully count on him. Its good to be here. Hoping to find support, clarity and community here.  Thank you.

Totally get that. I love the way you phrased “I know he loves me as he can”.   

I get being tired of being the grown up, and wondering if/when he will begin to heal. Have you tried getting away for a day or two - time to  breathe and get some clarity from distance? With mine I know this would cause an issue and argument in itself, and not easy with this lockdown, but on the occasion I have managed to get away it has given me time to be me and perspective.

Hi Healingwithlove! Welcome!

Mrs123 asks a good question: how are you on self-care? It more difficult in a time like this, but doing little things for yourself that fill your “emotional cup” can do wonders.

The push/pull is a very difficult thing to manage. Believe me, I know.

Hope you don’t mind if I ask a few questions:
Has your H been diagnosed?
Is he now or has he been in therapy?
What sorts of behaviors cause the most problems for you? Can you describe a recent incident?

We’re here for you! I hope you’ll share more when you feel up to it.