BPDFamily.com

I think this is guy is excellent, in my opinion.
I don't expect everyone to agree.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBemOsUOd8c

what did you agree about? disagree about?

what helped you the most?

The memory issues, the alcohol, the self destruction.
The part about self harm doesn't have to be physical, and to be honest other things I can't remember because it was around 5am when I watched it. I'll watch it again.

are you talking about the diagnostic criteria, or in general?

I was referring to how my BPD EX would self sabotage special occasions and ruin good times as in have a nice day out or a party and then start an argument over absolutely nothing as soon as we got home.
Pretty much everything he said summed her up except for cheating.

I watched half way through and that was the best I could do.

I keep an open mind, even there was a lot here that on the face of it seems to make sense, and that I could relate to it from my experience closely. comes across in a way that sounds as if he is quite sure about what he is talking about.

Even the relationship has been over 2 years ago, a video like this and I have watched a few in my recovery, I watch it with more emotional centredness, I have detached, it is upsetting deeply so, and 15 minutes in was enough for me.

It is not just about the credibility of the answers, it is not also about trying to decipher "is this a true reflection of her" and trying to reconcile it. Ultimately, it offers an explanation. Via that process, I know that it has been a journey into an area that was too much for me to handle and I had to detach from it, im not mentally robust enough for managing that level of difficulty and the heartbreak that it brings.

How about you in a bad way, and thanks for sharing - I know you found it informative but can I ask how it made you feel, I also appreciate it was 5am and you were likely tired at the time too.

It made me feel like I wasn't that mad after all, my ex fitted like a tee, except she din't cheat.It was actually good to listen to for those reasons.
Maybe I could have done with watching that years ago? Or maybe now was the right time?
She was the love of my life but that was then, I still love her but I also hate her.
At least I can in part forgive her (only a bit) because she wasn't well. She was under pressure from her kids who sided with their dad, and he brainwashed them. He was a dick, who still thought they should be together after 10 tears. He had a key to the house and came round every day and moved things and ate our food and took food home with him.
She kept saying she would put a stop to it but never did, she was scared. She had no need to be she had me, I wanted to have a word with him but she wouldn't let me, so I couldn't because she would have fell out with me more, he was already the biggest reasons of our problems.
I wanted to word him and if that didn't work take it to phase 2, there would have been no need for phase 3 trust me. But I couldn't he was her kids dad and I'm not inhuman.
They would have fallen out with me even more than they had due to his interference.
I haven't and never will forget him, he was the main culprit, so if the world really is going to s*** maybe I will pay him an unexpected visit.
Now having said she was not well so to a degree I can excuse her, that's not so for the woman I was seeing last year, she is the narc, she's the bitch. She is just nasty, yet comes across to strangers as funny and nice.
We still talk nearly everyday as I said but she still annoys me, she can be great at night but ignorant the next day, pretty much as she was when we were together, she hasn't changed.
I want neither of them.

I prefer Dr. Grande when it comes to mental health topics. One thing I've learned is my ex wife is aspd even more than bpd. Which is scary to say the least. Trying to explain a woman who lies cheats and steals for fun and has drug and alcohol problems to people is like trying to convince people that you saw an alien.

in a bad way, I feel for you for all this pain and hurt you have had happen to you, and what you have been through and the abuses. Im so sorry that you had to.
I recognise this now having gone through it, impossible to know,  I am glad that you shared it, it has led me to modify the word "cheating" from how I now view what she has done, how the word does not fit in the way that I have often used it, i feel when it is applied to my ex, with BPD, there is different context to it now. It makes a difference, thank you for finding and sharing it as I stopped a long time ago to seek out and research the relationship.  

what a situation to be in and have done all the mature things, kept your self-respect and considered the welfare of the kids. You have some amazing strength to have gone through this and kept your cool. It wouldnt be human not to have been red mist from witnessing this take place, being discouraged to speak out at least and air how strongly it was making you feel. What id like to say is that, when it comes to the anger that is generated, can it be a case of in that emotional feeling of anger for this guy's involvement - that it leads to a fixation. Sure, he has been given the blame, but is it really nothing more to it? nothing in the periphery? He was the interference, if he was not there...it would be her and the condition?
How much, or is it completely because of the condition?


but what about the loneliness that you feel, and the anxiety, the pubs are closed and you had more socialialising when they were open. Is this the glue that binds? For all the negatives, (and she can be great sometimes as well) - is it a worry of losing that contact and feeling alone? It is a very common one and it is one that I relate to.

The loneliness is pretty bad, I keep in touch with some friends and some people from the pub. Anxiety is a problem
As for staying cool with that situation it was hard, It's impossible for me to describe everything here as it would be pages but I will do a very brief rundown.
The guy had a key, it was half his house on paper, he worked nights and came round every day, I had to be out before a certain time when he came.
He ate our food, and took food home with him, he brainwashed the kids.
He threw things in the rubbish that had nothing to do with him, he rearranged furniture. He took it upon himself to just start decorating...WTF?
You name it he did it, it was a ploy to annoy us and he knew she would lose it and take it out on me.
She wouldn't even put my birthday cards to her up because she said it would hurt his feelings because he was still in love with her.
Need I continue?