BPDFamily.com

Newly diagnosed 18 year old DD. Does anyone get better? The research I’ve done says yes but the board sounds a bit bleak. By better i mean a functional, relatively normal and content life.

Good Morning and welcome!
Yes indeed there is hope and some situations do improve with work on everyone's part ( BPD adult child is compliant with therapy/meds, the family has their own support , etc).  There is always hope. Keep in mind success is relative to your own situation.  With BPD loved ones, success is going to be measured differently than "normal" families.   In addition with BPD , success is often hard won after a series of battles, it often doesn't just happen.
I would suggest looking on Liveandlearned posts, WendyDarling posts for a start.  You just click onto their names.  There are more, and others will chime in.

There is variation in the spectrum of severity, and in the types of support BPD loved ones get from families, so it can be hard to answer this with a simple yes or no. I attended a NEA-BPD Family Connections seminar and remember the facilitator saying that the research implies BPD loved ones get better when family members get better. We lead the way.

Except so much of what is means for us to get better is counterintuitive -- at least it has been that way for me. How is it that my BPD loved one gets better when I focus on me? That was a hard one to learn. And the specific communication and relationship skills tend to be ones that we must learn and practice. I'm still learning.

Does D18 accept her dx? If you feel comfortable sharing, what were the circumstances that led to her dx? Maybe we can walk with you and try to better understand the specific challenges you're working with.

One particular success story is Dr. Marsha Linehan, who was herself diagnosed with BPD at roughly 18, and was committed to an institution where she lived for two years, and was considered at the time one of their more severely troubled patients. She went on to develop one of the gold standards of treatment for BPD sufferers (dialectical behavior therapy) and is probably the most famous success story that I can think of.

We also have a thread for sharing betterment news here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=210800.msg12322442#msg12322442

And the late Dr. Gundersen, an expert on BPD, published a book of essays written by BPD sufferers called Beyond Borderline (I believe). It gives you an insider sense of what it means to live with this particular special needs condition and make improvements.

Personally, for me, the key has been having skilled and effective boundaries, managing my own emotions, taking care of my needs first so I can show up for SD23 in a way that doesn't end up in resentment.

She doesn’t know her diagnosis  yet. Or at least i do not believe that she does. She has spent the past 6 days inpatient after suicidal ideation. She just turned 18 so it has been very difficult to get any information.
She did say she is committed to getting better. I have promised her i will dive into whatever therapy is necessary to help her and to help our family dynamic.
We are picking her up today and i feel unequipped to parent her. We are starting DBT this week.

Gogo,
I’ve had to pick my DD20
Up 3 times from psych wards after week long stays for S.I.
I wasn’t prepared at all and was extremely nervous and I did way too much for her. It felt like when I brought home a newborn the first time. My advice is put your own self care as #1 priority. I wish I could have been more relaxed and less controlling bc she felt my nerves and it made her more stressed out. I’ve learned this is a long journey and there are no quick fixes.
I’ve just watched the NEA BPD video series where they give solid practical advice on all the DBT skills. I highly recommend it.
Mindfulness and deep cleaning breaths will help too.
One of my favorite DBT sayings is this situation is just shy of impossible AND we can DO almost impossible things.
Please keep posting here.

Shari Manning's Loving Someone with BPD is an excellent resource, one that I read again and again.

It's great that you will be able to start DBT this week. Do you know how your particular DBT program is structured?

I do not know anything details the DBT program yet. It has been importable to get any information. I know she signed the paperwork for me to have access but even so it has been a nightmare. I’m not even 100% sure I am picking her up today.