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Title: Do I Call His Bluff? AGAIN? Post by: Frannie Fay on April 19, 2020, 08:48:35 PM Hi Friends,
Sorry for all of the posts...I'm going through a crisis. He did his typical verbal abuse coupled with slamming doors in anger. Then he said he would understand if I broke up with him. I came to bed just now, he's taken all of his clothes from the closet, took his lamp off the night table, all of his things and he locked himself in the spare bedroom...is he WANTING me to leave him? Should I just leave? Is that what a borderline wants? I'm so effing confused. We've been living together for 7 years. I feel so discarded. I can't handle this anymore. Title: Re: Do I Call His Bluff? AGAIN? Post by: juju2 on April 19, 2020, 09:07:08 PM It's ok. For all the posts.
What I think I am finally getting is allowing consequences. If I can get in touch with my truth, and allowing consequences. So it's a tall order because I am co dependent and do not advocate for me. I am last on my list. If it seems counter intuitive. Then that is my clue that it is probably the correct thing to do. I am a student, not a teacher. With gratitude juju Title: Re: Do I Call His Bluff? AGAIN? Post by: paperinkart on April 19, 2020, 11:37:15 PM I find that when my uBPD partner gets to the point of “why are you with me? Why don’t you just leave me?” And then actively pushes me away, it’s usually a test to see if I’ll really go.
It’s obviously extremely frustrating for us but people with borderline have the emotional capacity of children and often express it by throwing these tantrums. It’s basically the same thing as a little kid stomping to his room and screaming “YOU DONT EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE!” Of course what they are asking for is reassurance and seeking attention and love- just going about it in a backwards way. I can’t say with 100% certainty that this is what your partner is doing but it is a possibility. Have you noticed a difference in his behaviour when you react in certain ways? I find the more calm I can remain and react, the faster it de-escalates. I’ll usually just say “I can understand you’re very upset right now. I’m not upset and I really care about you. I’ll give you some space to cool off and when you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you.” Then when he does want to talk, make sure to keep your anger in check as much as possible (I know it can be so hard!) and just listen with an open heart. Hopefully that will allow a smoother reunion where you can both feel safe. Good luck! |