BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone

Haven't been on here for a while and hope some of you do remember me

Have always been trying hard to win my ex back and kept failing while he was jumping from one relationship to the next

The break up is 3 years ago now.
The past months we've been friends, messaging each other every day
Now the following happened: about 1-2 months ago I've been open to him and asked if we could rekindle our relationship

He told me that the chapter is closed for him. Ghosted me for a week when I told him why I thought we could still work. Then we got back to our friendship.

Now I love my ex more than anything, but I'm in my mid twenties fought for him for 3 years and think I need to find a way to get out of depression and learn that I can be happy with someone else.
So I started talking to someone new.

Things are going good, so to be fair to my ex I messaged him last week that I want him to be the one knowing about this first because of everything we both had in the past, then I told him that I started dating someone recently.

Since then our daily text messages stopped. He didn't say a word. He never replied to that message.
I sent him another message, unrelated to this one. When he ignored this too, l told him that I was worrying about him when he's getting that silent... Nothing

Today his profile picture turned to black. I told him I feel he's upset and I'd just love to know what's wrong and would love to be there for you but that I'm ready to leave him space if that's what he needs..

I'm just completely confused. I'd leave every new dude if I knew there was another chance with my ex, that's how much l still love him 3 years post break up.

Do you think I lost him, lost our friendship for good just because I let him know that I'm going out with someone?
Why would a FRIEND! and he always told me it's nothing more than friendship between us.. why would a friend go silent on me for that?

What can I do to help him back into my life? I truly miss him and care about him
Thank you..

the silence may or may not be about you. its hard to say.

the black profile picture may or may not be about you. its hard to say.

he may simply be angry that you (or anyone) is having romantic luck, and he isnt. its hard to say.


i think this is an important turning point. even if you want him back, there is no path to that where every action or reaction pivots on his.

i wouldnt have told him. you dont owe that to him, and you dont need his permission to romantically engage someone. whats done is done, but i would not try to make him feel better about it, when you dont know what its really about.

dont chase.

as for whether youve lost him, this has happened several times if i recall. i know this is easier said than done, but i wouldnt sweat it. the fact that he is spinning, for whatever reason he is spinning, is not cause for you to spin.

Hello once removed

I'm spinning though because I'm scared to lose him

Of course he deserves to know when I'm seeing someone new, l would've loved to hear that from him too and act better then he did towards me when he started seeing new people

I'm just here in tears and waiting

Compared to our friendship the new person in my life really means nothing to me and I know this is not fair on him

FaithfulInLove,

youre at a crossroads.

this breakup is 3 years old.

ive not heard of a relationship reconciling in that window of time. im not saying its never happened, but it would be a very rare exception.

in that time, you have been stuck in one approach. members have tried to coach you into different perspectives and approaches. for the most part, you have expressed fear at making those changes. thats your prerogative of course.

but the point of this board (Bettering) is to learn new approaches and strategies, to help get the relationship on a healthier trajectory. its understood that change is scary. it can even be risky.

every day that you stick with your approach comes at a loss of self esteem and self respect. you have a "get him back at any cost" approach, which members have tried to tell you is actually counter to your goals: it does not put you in an attractive light.


the question im asking is out of care, concern, and support: how long do you want be here in tears in waiting? are you ready to try another approach?