BPDFamily.com

 :hi: Hello Y’all. My eldest adult daughter exhibits signs of BPD. Right now we aren’t speaking, because her most recent behavior requires that I distance myself. I want a relationship with her, so I’m here hoping to learn from others who have walked this rocky path.

Thanks for being here.

Hello LHDLH :hi: …..welcoming you.

First of all I will say that a lot of us came here because we have troubled children who have not been officially diagnosed as having BPD but, in research, have found that their behaviours point strongly in that direction.

So now you are here and part of a very supportive community of like parents...all of us wanting that relationship with our child that, because of one reason or another, eludes us.

My husband and I are in yet another period of no contact with our daughter.  We, too, felt the need to distance ourselves from her because her verbal abuse was escalating and we had been warned that could well turn to physical abuse.  Whatever the case with you and your daughter, always good to heed warning signs. yellow-flag red-flag

I imagine you have done some reading on BPD and the behaviours that can result because of it.  I urge you to continue on with your reading and also to take full advantage of this website.  Here is a wealth of information with leads to more.  Little changes you make while interacting with her can well bring about some good change in her.

I will share just one of the things I learned and that was not to J-A-D-E.  To explain...when in a heated conversation... don't...Justify/Argue/Deny/Explain.   I can't tell you how many times I kept an argument going by doing the opposite.  Of course it is always important to listen and to validate...but not to add fuel to a fire that will just keep burning.

Hope you feel comfortable enough to keep sharing, LHDLGH.  That in itself can help to release some of the steam that builds up because of all the tension that comes from walking down the "rocky path."  Yes, feel free to share as much or as little as you like but also feel free to reach out to others who post.  Everyone wants/need to be heard and to know that they are not alone in their troubles.  This certainly is the place to get that kind of support.

Huat

Thank you so very much for your welcome. I am familiar with JADE, though I’m a terrible failure at it. Well, not initially. But the woman knows if she goes far enough I will argue. Then as she gets uglier I just leave the room. I don’t want to say something I will regret. Our biggest issue is what I Have considered blatant lies about me or others, especially when multiple people remember a situation as you do - I’ve come to understand that she really believes those lies. It’s difficult to stay angry or hurt with someone who sees life through a very distorted lens.

I will share more once I can organize my thoughts.

Thank you again.

- LHDLH