:help:
Hi all,
This post is about struggles I am having keeping the relationship afloat with my bf. I knew him for 20 years as a close friend, we've been dating for the last three years, and lived together for about 18 months.
Things in our relationship that are hard for me:
- My bf is still married with no plans to divorce. And even though, him and his wife haven't been sexual or romantic partners for the last decade, they lived together bc of their kid (he is 16 now). Their relationship used to be extremely co-dependent and signs of this co-dependency are still there. His wife doesn't have another another SO, still calls my bf to make any small decision, and there's still a strong vibe of entanglement between them.
- He has co-dependent relationship with his 16 year old kid with violent outbursts.The loop goes like this: kid doesn't do his hw, then provokes my bf to yell at him. Then my bf feels really guilty, buys him sweets and cater to his wishes.
- He requires a complete freedom of talking and dating other people. He told me that he assumed that I am pro "free love" because there was a short period of time when I was dating two people at a time.
- He feels uncomfortable when I try to create a family like environment at home. He says that he feels entrapped and prevents any attempt of creating any kind of household routine. Everything has to be spontaneous and fitting his changing mood.
He is a wonderful, kind, interesting and smart person and I really love him. However, the conversations around these hard topics are very exhausting and I find myself constantly wondering if that's worth challenging my sanity like that :-) I feel like a live with a ticking bomb that's about to explode and I don't know when. Especially "free love" argument drives me crazy. I don't think he is sleeping around that much, but this is where I draw a line, because our own relationship is challenging enough not to introduce any new people in it.
Any advice on how to hold my ground and stay sane?