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Title: How to tell her I am not interested? Post by: joshbjoshb on May 04, 2020, 08:11:54 PM I know this question might be funny for some. But for me it's part of my life.
Sometimes, after a full day of rage, criticizing, complaining, my wife is looking for the physical closeness. She is coming to be close and is surprised - rather shocked! - that I am not so interested. How do I say nicely "Sweetie, you are so mean today and I don't want to hug you right now?" It's just so frustrating. As if she has a switch off button, or simply forgets everything she did that day. Title: Re: How to tell her I am not interested? Post by: Naughty Nibbler on May 09, 2020, 11:42:13 AM Hi joshbjoshb:
I'll take a crack at it. Here are a couple of strategies that could work for you: SET (Support, Empathy & Truth) Example: I like to cuddle with you, especially when I know that it makes you feel better; but, I don't want to do it after a day of being raged at and criticized. After a day like that, I feel distant. Another strategy that can be helpful for you is to have a few "I" Statements handy. The 19-minute video at the link below can be a helpful tutorial for using "I" Statements: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDExNRJCUp0 A couple of samples appear below. They might give you an idea about a type of I-statement that might apply to your situation. What might your version be? Take a crack at it and see what you come up with. Sample 1 Today, I felt targeted by rage and criticism. I can't feel affection after that. I love you and I want us to be mutually respectful and supportive of each other. Tomorrow is a new day. Let's both work on making it a better one. Sample 2 I'm sorry sweetie, I'm not feeling affectionate right now. It was a tough day for me & I'm still struggling with my feelings from being rage at & criticized. I want to have respectful conversations with you, so that I can be in the mood for cuddling. Let's make tomorrow a better day for both of us. |