BPDFamily.com

So, I went no contact with my mom (w BPD) almost a year ago so I could take a break from the abuse and see if there will be a way I can eventually set healthy boundaries with her. My husband still has her number so there is at least one line of communication if something happens, which I get. My birthday and my children’s birthdays are coming up, and we recently moved to a new part of town, and as far as I know, my mom doesn’t have our new address. I told my husband if she asks, for whatever reason I don’t want her having it. Is this too much? I keep going back and forth because I am still having issues with boundaries because I don’t know what it’s like to not fully have her in my life.
Originally if she wanted to take the kids somewhere or see them I was okay with that, I just wouldn’t be home or part of drop off, but she’s been using them as a threat saying that when they’re older she’ll tell them the “truth” about what happened and how much of an asshole I am, etc. She’s also made hardly any effort to see them since Christmas, which we had to ask her if she wanted to see them. She can say she wants to see them so bad and her heart is breaking having them ripped away from her, but she never calls to talk to them, never tries to see them. This as well as just paranoia of her showing up to start something with me is my reasoning for her not getting my address from us.

If it makes you feel safer not to give your new address to her, then don't give it to her. (nothing says you can't change your mind later if you want to)

Boundaries are about protecting ourselves (and our kids).

Panda39

I'd agree with Panda, boundaries are to protect ourselves, so only you can take that judgment you know your mom better than we do. A BPD's worst fear is abandonment, so that would explain worrying about losing contact with your kids. I took two years out with my BPD mom so I could heal and now we've reconnected she's not followed through with her threats. Much easier to deal with now I'm fully fit again.