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Title: Newby: it is 7 months later and she is still at our house. Post by: Dee_Hope on May 17, 2020, 04:27:04 PM Hi Everyone. Glad to be part of this group.
I am a 55 year old female, happily married for 15 years now. No kids. My husband and I “offered” to let my older BPD sister ( she is 62) come stay with us back in October for an agreed 2 months while she “ figured things out”, after an 8 year live in relationship ended. Her boyfriend told me that he had told her He could not take her anger anymore. Now it is 7 months later and she is still at our house. My relationship with my older sister has pretty much always been estranged... She had her first of 2 needed hip replacements done in February ( she put this off for 3 years). She will be having her second one done hopefully in July. After the first week of her being here, resentment set in. Soon afterwards, she got in a car accident and totaled her car. Now I know she had the money to replace the car, ( she admitted to me when she moved in that she had about 25,000) but in my co-dependent state, I jumped in and offered her my car after 2 weeks- ( it was only worth $2500- but was a very reliable car) I did this because I was worried she would dilly dally on getting a car, ( I was letting her drive mine and I was driving my husbands. ( he has a work van) And then potentially her stopping going to her DBT therapy and group meetings. I ended up buying myself a newer car ( dipping into my savings stash by $10,000) That just caused more resentment after the fact- but I do think I learned from the experience. Things have been “ok” over the last few months- I think the fact that Spring is here is helping my mood BUT, the whole cycle of emotions - pity, anger, resentment, guilt, depression- is a daily struggle. However, at the end of the day I try and remain hopeful that everything is going to be ok, and as my therapist reminds me, This is all part of the book I am going to write; that I am being of service right now, and that it’s not gonna be like this forever. Thank you for reading this Title: Re: Newby Post by: Harri on May 17, 2020, 05:04:35 PM Hi Dee_Hope and welcome
Isn't it amazing how 2 months can turn into so many more just like that? Ugh. Excerpt BUT, the whole cycle of emotions - pity, anger, resentment, guilt, depression- is a daily struggle. The emotions you list, pity, anger, resentment, guilt and depression, are those yours towards your sister? However, at the end of the day I try and remain hopeful that everything is going to be ok, and as my therapist reminds me, This is all part of the book I am going to write; that I am being of service right now, and that it’s not gonna be like this forever. Thank you for reading this Are you really hoping to write a book (!) or is it more of a hypothetical thing? What is your plan regarding talking to your sister about moving out? Will you wait until after her surgery? I am glad you found us and hope you settle in and read and get comfortable here. We all support each other and learn together, so grab a chair! *welcome* |