BPDFamily.com

 :help: My daughter is 37.  Something changed when she was a young adolescent, 23 or so years ago.  I had no idea what the problem was.  There was no Dr. Google, no chat groups or forums, I was a single mother, working hard to put myself through university and working, and I thought she was a teenager acting out.  Years later when going to college, she took a course in abnormal psychology.  Something resonated with her.  She saw a psychologist who told her she has BPD, and that it was because I had abandoned her.  I was shocked.  The life I had with her and her older brother was not storybook, but it was solid and I thought filled with love and laughter.  I was not allowed to attend her sessions.  She shut me out, blamed me, and since then our relationship has been very very tumultuous.  She gets angry and lashes out and says horrible things.  And I get hurt, and cry and crawl into a fetal position.  Perhaps some on this forum know the pain of being rejected and destroyed by the person you love more than anything.  She is my kryptonite.  So she is a dog trainer/breeder and seems to have found her calling.  She recently split with her fiance /business partner and has moved home with her 9 dogs.  Home actually for her is a tiny cabin down the driveway with no running water.  Did I mention she brought NINE dogs?  My husband and I are recently retired and we also care for my 96 year old mother with dementia.  Throw in a pandemic just for fun.  She has been home now for 3 weeks.  Her dogs bark when she is not home.  Lots.  So far, I have received no acknowledgement that without question, and despite her hostility toward me, despite my mother and a pandemic, I have accepted her into my home.  And it is killing me.  I know that I shouldn't expect much from her.  She is able to show respect and compassion to strangers but to me I get orders, expectations, smart ass remarks and zero in return.  And I think, "just throw me a bone would ya'?"  So, I don't sleep, I worry about her sterilization rituals re: covid, and I would do anything to hear her just say thanks mom.  That's it.  I am soo tired.

I am so sorry that you are struggling. You have come to a good place. There are great people and lots of good info here.

I appreciate how tired you are. Since your daughter won't say thank you let me say it for her. Thank you. Sincerely thank you. Thank you for always doing the best you could. Thank you for raising your children on your own. Thank you for taking care of the dogs. Thank you for taking care of a frail elder with dementia. Thank you for reaching out for the support you need for yourself. Thank you for everything.

Meanwhile keep reading and keep posting you are not alone.