BPDFamily.com

Exbpdgf broke up with me 7 months ago in October.  Stopped talking about my sadness/anger/feelings about breakup with my friends 4-months ago b/c they didnt understand/get it that:

• I had 2 1/2 yr relationship with her and 2very young kids who they knew I loved deeply and those kidsloved me
• She never let me say good bye. She made me the selfish, uncaring g/f  though she broke up with me by 5-minute phone 10 seconds after telling me she had cancer
• she didnt return texts. Wouldnt call back..
• she wouldnt let me come then 3 weeks after break-up, a friend of hers yells at me for lies. The problem is those people believed I didnt try hard enough. .yet I i was the target by my Ex for her cancer. 3 weeks after the breakup I called to help and when we did talk my  Ex was so angry with me that I guess I had given her space for 3 weeks or I’m not sure what. I told my ex she wouldnt reapond to anything. My ex said she knows she can be “confusing”.  She said we could “pick this up in a few months”. My ex wouldnt let me be there for her double masectomy in Dec

then she talked to me-called me 1x right after her surgery and we talked about her (not relationship), said she would call again and didnt. I called 2x times a couple weeks after surgery to check on her and we spoke briefly-then the kids came and she got off the phone. The 3rd and last time right before xmas, we talked and she put her daughter on the phone like nothing had happened. After her daughter and I spoke, my ex and I spoke briefly..then she at to go-she was at doctors. I was so shocked and hurt by how wrong it was to do that to her daughter(b/c she pulled me from their lives again and again in the 2.5 yrs)

That was the last time I ever called her again. She trued to indirectly get mevto write something for her because the company emailed me, not her. I never responded.

We have had no contact for 5 months now.

My friends of course didnt think she ever treated me well. They tried to listen for a few weeks and were okay. But in January, they really didnt get that I knew these kids from the time they were young. One couldnt even talk yet when I met her.

The other day I started to share some helpful insight that I was excited about with a friend of mine G. She wouldnt let me finish and said it was the ssme story and that I need to let go. Thats just it —this is the process of letting go. They think this break-up is like other breakups with their exes. But its not.

What can I give them for them to read that is brief? About the experience of the nonBPD being broken up with? So they understand the BPD relationship is different?

I am so angry..again—at my ex A. So many memories of abuse that I have shared on these boards.

I am so angry at my friends. They have no clue.. they dont understand I lost 3 people. ( my ex AND 2 kids in yhe most hurtful abusive way possible). Some of thrm think one day she may still show up at my door and use her kids to grt back in my life -with them right there..  Sometimes I think they are right (she did it during the relationship).

With quarantine ending, I feel so much anxiet because I may run into her at a mutual friend B’s house(B is great by the way and we dont talk about my Ex.. its hard though b/c my Ex is dating someonecrlse or at least was 4 months ago. And my anxiety has me thinking they are married..living together with the quarantine. My ex’s new g/f has 2 kids too so all the kids can play. I picture happy family times snd it makes me sick.)

I was doing so much better but now I am so angry again. I dont know what I would say  or do if she showed up at door or is at a bbq soon? Any ideas on that too would help? I am not goingvto avoid bbq or things like that b/c i have been in quarantine for months and miss my friends too.

My ex is a you know what and i never got to say anything to her. If I see her, I would want to  act the way that is most hurtful to her, which I think is not getting angry.

Ps.. i’m a woman in a relationship with a woman (sorry I like to clarify b/c I feel more alonecwhen the responses are “dude you gotta..”)  :)

some of the hardest times in my recovery were when people shut me down. ran out of words. didnt know what to say.

on some level, they were the most critical parts of my recovery. they really forced my recovery on me, so to speak. i would go into my room, feeling frustrated, abandoned, and just cry. and then, slowly, id pick myself up.

bottom line: there is no article that you can share with your friends that is going to cause them to say "oh, i get it now" and provide you with insight and the support you are seeking. theyre telling you thats not going to happen.

switch gears.

seek a different kind of comfort and support from your friends. enjoy them. enjoy your time together. use them to focus on different things, building a new sense of normal, and building a new life. the more youre able to talk to them about other things...your interests and hobbies, and theirs, the better.

seek support for your relationship and your struggles in detaching here, and with a therapist. we know how enormous a loss it is to lose, not just an ex, but the children you bonded with and loved.