BPDFamily.com

I have noticed that my spouse will keep me from sleeping for days, at times.  Maybe I'll get three hours per night for 4 or five days in a row.  She sleeps during the day but I have to work.  I feel like it clouds my thinking and decision making.  It almost feels like a strategy on her part (although, maybe not conscious) to keep me on edge and doing what she wants. Is this common?  I just don't trust my own judgement or assessment of these situations any more.

Hi wayne123:
I'm sorry your partner is disturbing your sleep.  Sleep is important for good health and for your ability to function.  When a partner deprives you of this, it can be viewed as emotional abuse & a means of controlling your.

Check out the thread at the link below, where this issue is discussed.  Hopefully it will give you some guidance.

Sleep interruption and deprivation---- how to handle.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=63454.0

Been there, done that, unfortunately. My wife has BPD, and has for our entire relationship, but she didn't start intentionally depriving me of sleep until our daughter was born.

Just being in a relationship with a BP is extremely exhausting physically and emotionally. Add onto that the tolls of sleep deprivation and the fact that she doesn't work, so she's able to sleep during the day, and you've got a recipe for a disaster.

Have you confronted her about it?

Also, if you're working and she's not, do you guys have a joint bank account? Even if you do (my wife and I do), one thing I had to do was to create my own private bank account and have a significant portion of my paycheck sent to that account. I told my wife that I would make sure all bills and essential needs were taken care of, but her access to funds would be drastically limited until (insert your issue) was changed. I felt pathetic having to resort to that, but I was literally risking my life on long commutes due to lack of sleep, and it was all her fault.

why is she waking you up?

Thanks for the replies and great links.  All were very helpful.  I feel like I have been so isolated that it helps to just know that someone else has experienced the same behavior.  As for why she wakes me, it varies.  Sometimes to rant about a dream (that was my fault), sometimes because SHE can't sleep.  It varies but the result is the same.  However, the rants are more scary and go on much longer.  I need to resolve in myself to set a boundary and KEEP it!  I seem to get worn down over time with my boundaries and next thing I know, I'm right back where I started.  Truthfully, I'm terrified that she will find this site on my computer.  She is convinced that I am the entire source of all her problems (yet needs me around 24/7).

it wont be easy.

why? because it sounds like its been happening for a while.

people with bpd traits tend to push our boundaries, but quite often, they know where our hard lines are, and theyll come right up to them, but not cross them.

shes going to have to understand that this is a hard line for you, when it hasnt been, and when you move the lines, our loved ones tend to struggle to adapt, and things can get worse before they get better.

Thanks.  It is eye opening when I step back and see MY part in this.  Boundaries are a weak area when it comes to my wife.  I see that is is up to me to make the  changes and then stick to them.  That is the hard part, the sticking! I appreciate the advice and encouragement.