BPDFamily.com

Hi. I know it’s customary to introduce myself & explain a bit about my situation, but I’m short on time. I only just found you guys late last night and have the first appointment for couples counseling today with my boyfriend of 4 years, who very clearly has undiagnosed BPD or NPD. He is actually the one who asked for counseling so that’s hopeful. My question: Is there anything in particular from your experience that I ABSOLUTELY MUST make sure to say or NOT say in our session today. I dearly love my bf, he is terribly wounded from repeated trauma in his life, I want him to get the help he needs, and to be able to rebuild our beautiful life together, with my 10 year old, without losing or damaging my own life. ADVICE APPRECIATED.

hi Graceheart, and *welcome*

so, i say this any time the question comes up.

couples counseling can make or break a relationship. not uncommonly, it makes things worse. it makes things worse when one or both parties go into it with the idea that couples counseling is going to occur to fix the other party.

fundamentally, this should be about the two of you learning to work better as a team.

doing that can be a messy process. everything goes on the table. you might hear things that shock you, upset you, or both.

so, my advice? go in there with one agenda: to listen. to better understand where your partner is coming from. doing so will ultimately help you navigate more than anything.

your partner may go in with a different agenda. let him. a skilled counselor can work with that.

if you feel that the counselor is taking his side, be patient. the counselor may sense that hes the more difficult party.

those are some of the most common scenarios when a couple goes into counseling, that you want to get ahead of.

so, what led up to the two of you going to counseling? how did it go?