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Title: New here Post by: 3 year struggle on June 02, 2020, 10:02:35 PM My SO who has been clinically diagnosed as having BPD, CPSD, and I believe is comorbid NPD suddenly left me 2 1/2 years ago. Even with 2 years of twice weekly therapy, I am still not over her. I haven’t seen her in 2 1/2 years and haven’t spoken to her in 1 1/2 years. I feel as though I am losing my mind. She won’t talk to me (in person or not) and I just can’t make sense of it.
We were friends for 2 years and then lived together and became engaged for 4 more years. Then she vanished... trash talked me to all of my friends, moved 2500 miles away to be with her “first love” (a woman) which lasted 3 months, and has been with who knows how many men and woman since. At this juncture I just want to talk to her to gain some facsimile of closure, but of course she denies me that. I guess I just want to understand what happened... Title: Re: New here Post by: l8kgrl on June 02, 2020, 11:23:51 PM Hi New here,
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. 2 1/2 years is a long time to be struggling with these feelings. I think most of us here can relate to the desire for closure, and to the frustration of not having it. Has your therapist been able to help you understand what it making it so hard to let go? Do you feel that therapy is helping? With the diagnoses that your SO has, I'm sure you realize that it's not likely she would be able to give you a "rational" or satisfying answer, even if she did talk to you. What is it you most wish you could ask her or know, besides the overarching "why"? I think you'll find that this group is so helpful for realizing that you are not alone in your anguish but also that getting over these types of relationships can be really hard but is possible. Title: Re: New here Post by: JNChell on June 03, 2020, 02:20:48 AM Hey there. :hug: Welcome to BPDFamily. I’m sorry for what brings you here, but am glad that you found us. The good news is that we help each other here. We’re all peers going through situations very similar to what you’re experiencing. We get it.
Closure is a big topic around here. You’ll figure that out for yourself as you read and interact with other members. You’ll also see that it is very rarely granted by pwBPD. Closure comes with a certain level of self awareness. pwBPD tend to blame others so that they don’t have to shoulder responsibility for their actions. They possess a great deal of shame. Many of them can’t even apologize when they are caught dead to rights in a lie. They will try to twist it around instead. You do have information that most of the members here don’t have. Your ex is clinically diagnosed. Let that be part of your closure. It’s a terrible affliction, but it is her’s. 2 1/2 years is a long time. What is it that has you holding on? Maybe the best thing that can help you understand is the power of information. If you want to know about BPD, you’re in the right place. I’m going to be blunt. You will not get honest closure from her. You’ll do yourself a solid favor by accepting that. I’m not being harsh. I understand your pain very well. What is it that you would most like to hear from her? Title: Re: New here Post by: Lucky Jim on June 04, 2020, 09:57:29 AM Hey 3-year, I agree with 18K and JNChell: two and a half years is a long time to be in this state of limbo. I suggest you explore why you got into a r/s with a pwBPD in the first place. Hint: usually it has something to do with one's FOO or other childhood trauma. If you figure out the reason, you might find that your ExSO has less of a hold over you. Concur that closure is unlikely with a pwBPD; you have to make the decision to move on yourself.
LuckyJim |