BPDFamily.com

Dear members,

I'm in a very bad place right now. I feel really depressed. My ex girlfriend exhibited BPD characteristics. I was with her since June 2019. We did have a great time in the start. However, within a few months her behaviour started worsening. I tolerated her behavior alot even her violent outbursts over nothing at all. then on valentines day 2020, out of the blue she initially broke up with me saying that I did not inspire her any more. I was shocked and couldn't accept it. She explained that she will be back but she needs a break from me and wants to reconnect with herself. Then for a month she was gone. I kept on calling her and trying to meet her until finally in the first week of march, she blocked me from all social media. Then i fell into depression and started seeing a psychologist.

 I was finally moving on when she came back to me apologising for her behaviour a couple of weeks later. We got back in April and then followed a breakup/patch up cycle. she would break up with me every week and then patch up. I tolerated this and despite wanting to leave, i couldnt gather the courage to do it. Yesterday when she again started shouting at me again for no reason at all, I finally left her. To my surprise, she didnt feel any remorse or guilt over her outburst. she just blocked me again. I miss her alot and regret leaving her now. But then the relationship is also very toxic. I dont know what to do.

Hey james, Welcome!  I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed.  Your story is quite familiar and your feelings are normal.  The place to start, I suggest, is by returning the focus to you and your needs.  Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.  A BPD r/s can be extremely confusing and frustrating, due to its cyclic nature.  What would you like to see happen?  Are you hoping for a recycle?  Are you ready to put in the effort to detach?  There's no right or wrong answer.  It's your call, my friend.

LuckyJim