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Hi this is actually about my bpd ex but her behavior im about to question was prevailant thru our stormy relationship so im posting it here to gain some clarity.

Her ex dumped her after a yr of being together. From what sketchy narrative shes told, it was obvious she burnt him out and it was tough on him to stay on the relationship. I met her soon after the breakup and we stayed friends for a yr. During which time she was talking to me exessively (like hrs of texting everyday) and confiding me in everything. I was out of the country so it was more or less a penpal situation. She told me 6 months post her breakup that she was still in love with her ex and shes trying to move on. They seemed to keep eachother in orbit in this weird dynamic that i saw as unhealthy. Then she found a guy for a short term dating who helped her finally 'physically' get over her ex. Then 3 months later her ex announces that he might have found someone and she starts having a meltdown, that her attachment disorder is getting full blown. All the while keep assuring me that she only loves him as a friend. Discarding this red flag like an idiot i actually started a relationship with her soon after. Then soon become insecure about her ex staying in the picture. Her assurance being she has no feelings like that for him anymore and he gets more annoying the more she becomes attracted to me. Then a month in and after many a small arguements about him, she ghosts him, and coincidentally on the same week suffers an ulcer. Then a week after, dumps me from an engulfment trigger, then a week after that, on a camping trip with a new crush.

Yes it sounds like a huge mess and im so glad i actually found a psychological explaination for it that i can share here.

My question is, what was this weird dynamic with her ex?

She was clearly in 'love' with me at a point. And even infatuated with the guy who helped her physically get over her ex. And when she kept repeating she had no romantic feelings for the guy it was actually very convincing.

He had actually saved her from suicidal depression which is why they got in the relationship in the first place. And her interaction with him seen from afar, was more like that to a brother.

Maybe i was the guy who finally helped her emotionally monkey branch from him?

And maybe unknownst to her and her bpd mind, it was more of a paternal love that she had developed for him?

Any replies welcome. Thank you.

its sort of like "the one who got away".

some people, sometimes, have difficulty resolving a previous relationship. they struggle to fully grieve it, and move on.


and sometimes people will use dysfunctional methods of coping to deal with an unresolved relationship. drugs...painting an ex black...rebound relationships...

it hurts, really hurts, the one(s) they get involved with, and can leave a trail of hurt people struggling over what was a pretty intense feeling relationship.

do you think that was the case here?

If you saw this woman was so unstable and not mentally sound, why would you start a relationship with her?  It doesn't make sense.  You knew a relationship with someone like her would not work.