BPDFamily.com

To start off, I'm somebody who is also diagnosed with pds, bipolar one and NPD, which I have only just very, very recently acknowledged after help from my friend (we both seem to consider each other to be more than friends, but never asked each other out). Talking about our issues and being honest and frank with each other about things that we suffered from is how we got close.

Recently, after having known each other for 3 years, we talked and found out we had mutual crushes on each other. I was there for her during her previous relationship's troubles (where she was broken up with 7 months ago) and she was there for mine (where I broke up with my ex a year and a half ago). In the last few months we've gotten very, very close, even more than we were.

With the background given, five nights ago I was drunk and mentioned that there are times where I still feel very suicidal, and tried to give a compliment (stupidly) that I'd rather die than be with anybody who wants to be with me other than her. Since then she has given me the silent treatment, not responding to any of my messages, picking up any calls, and even going offline on one of the messaging apps I tried to contact her on. The content of my messages is about how I want to talk to her, that I'm sorry, that what I said was wrong, but that importantly I'm not angry or upset with her, just worried. Despite all this, she has not blocked or removed me on any of the various places where we talk (phone, discord, twitter), although she did instant hang up on me once, I rang again and was definitely not blocked. She has also mentioned that emotions have been more difficult to process for her for the last few days.

Does anybody know what I'm looking at here? What I can do to make her know that I'm not angry or upset with her, and that I just want to let her know how much I care about her? Thank you.

Hello there my friend,

Welcome... and what a great question.   I admire your honesty in being able to look at what happened ojectively even though it is clear that you are concerned and have caring feelings for this person. That's alot to process for any person. So wow, good for you.

My hunch is that she's dealing with the same thing - alot to process - and not knowing the first thing about your friend, this is just my best guess.

Do you think that there is truth in what she said - that she needs space to process because it is a fact that everything that is happening is happening on the backdrop of COVID - which creates a weird catch 22 - emotions can rise twice a fast and it takes twice as long to process everything.  Double whammy.

Why not give her a few days. If you haven't been blocked, then I think that's a good sign to leave things for a bit.  It's always easier to be late to the party in cases like this than crash it too early - if you catch my drift.

There's plenty of time to tell her you care.

Hope that helps.

Good luck.

Be safe.

Rev.

Hi nonStop  :hi:

I think Rev is onto something here.  It sounds to me like she wants space.  Rather than trying to tell her you care for her, show her by giving her that space.  Sometimes we can push too hard, especially after making a mistake.  Slow this down... a lot.   *)

Can I ask if she has been diagnosed with BPD?  

So you did manage to connect with her after the incident 5 days ago?  Just want to make sure I understand.  If so, it is even more important to give her space.

Also, last questions for now I swear!  Are you safe right now?  Still feeling suicidal?  If so we can hook you up with some local resources in addition to talking with you here.  Let us know how you are, okay?

Be well.