BPDFamily.com

Hi again,

Welp, it's time for a new chapter. I have left a 4-year relationship and have decided to leave the South and head back to Colorado. I miss the mountains.

I've come to several personal realizations:

1.) I'm not well-suited for long term relationships. They keep repeating the same patterns. I get bored, feel like I'm trapped and ultimately the relationship ends with me walking away or things imploding (usually of my doing).
2.) I like my own personal space i.e. I like having my own room/bed/apartment to myself which doesn't sit well with some of the women that I've dated.
3.) For me, it's much more important to live where I'm happy and let the career stuff work itself out.
4.) Many of the people in my life are time-wasters. They want my help and encouragement but aren't around when I need it. I have a lot of anger built around how selfish people can be. I've make some significant cuts to my friends list.
5.) I enjoy the thrill of the chase when it comes to dating. I like the rush of the lust stage and find it fun and exciting. Shallow I know.

I have no idea what this is. Maybe a mid-life crisis? I have no children, in my 50s, no job (laid off due to covid19) and just want to go so I'm going! Maybe I'm the selfish one? Maybe my expectations of others is too high? I just don't know.

It's a very surreal time for me right now. My head is swimming and I'm feeling a lot of emotions including anger, excitement, nervousness and a general resentment towards the world and many of the people in it.

I always appreciate everyone's insight and help and I appreciate being able to express my feelings here.

WJH

theres a fair amount here i can relate to.

how much have you read about attachment styles?

I've read a BIG zero about attachment styles. Will have to look into it.