|
Title: BPD in marriage and need to learn to feel less hurt as it is not about me Post by: katrientje on June 19, 2020, 03:49:53 PM Hello, I have learned how t o react constructively to verbal abuse and am in loving marriage but am running out of energy to stay compassionate: it takes me longer and longer to recover from the pain I feel when two days of real closeness are followed by sudden anger, rage, or less strongly: contempt, hostility, criticism, mood swings, long face. I knew my husband has post traumatic syndrome from a childhood event, but have only just discovered two days ago that some of the strange behaviour is a BPD symptom. For example my loved one can not distinguish between his own emotions and mine: if he feels angry he thinks it is me who is angry. I have been married for 41 years and have had a good marriage but my loved one is addicted to alcohol, but is high functioning and I feel exhausted and sometimes broken by the constant ups and downs, I also still feel happy sometimes but find it more and more difficult to trust him and to be open and vulnerable as I know that after a happy time, there will be pain again. I want my love to become totally compassionate and I want to have enough wisdom to no longer feel the pain as it is not about me, it is about him. It must be so difficult to be constantly up and down, instead of being able to enjoy peace and contentedness. I need peace though, I am exhausted emotionally and worry that I am becoming more and more distant. I do not know if you will email me, but hope your system works differently as I worry about my husband reading my emails by accident. He knows he has post traumatic syndrome but would be very angry if he knew that I now believe he has BPD, he does not cope with discussing problems or feelings .thank you in advance, just writing this down helps and I have diaries in which it shows that the same situation occurs again and again for 40 years, but we have manged to turn the volume of angry outbursts down and he has learned to leave the room when he has a rage and wait to calm down, which is progress and which I appreciate. I have worked hard on my relationship for years.
Title: Re: BPD in marriage and need to learn to feel less hurt as it is not about me Post by: juju2 on June 20, 2020, 05:03:06 AM :hi:Welcome!
You are in the right place. There are people here that have found serenity no matter what the situation. Read the posts, share more of your day to day. The literature that is recommended helped me. Stop walking on eggshells book--opened my mind. This is a peaceful space. Welcome. juju |