BPDFamily.com

Hello,
I have spent the last three days in bed!  I had planned a trip with my bpd son to Atlantic City for July 4th.  It was taking him an immensely long time to get ready.  I was also preparing my things.  I asked him if we could try and leave at 2:30pm. At 4:00pm he said he needed more time to pack.  I then said I am just to tired to go.  I was angry and suspected that the issue with packing was how to bring his vapes and pot with him. He had a complete breakdown, cried for hours, got into an argument with my husband, called me a variety of names and cut himself on the arms several times.  I just got in bed and cried and have been there ever since.  I think I was just expecting to much and now feel really bad that I expected to have a "normal" weekend with him. 

I now stop myself whenever I find myself thinking about doing this or that with BPD daughter. She is reliant on pot too, and I finally realised that she would set things up so that they couldn't happen because she didn't think she could go with the pot. So what would happen would be the sort of thing you describe. Procrastinate until it becomes impossible so that I would call it off, then I was the one at fault, I was the one to blame. BPD is so complex and I think it is different for each person, so that what works for one family does not work for the next. I try to just live in a parallel universe with her rather than trying to intersect too much. Though I have to say this illness has taken over my life for the past 15 years!

Dear Sancho,
Thank you for your response.  I like your suggestion of just living parallel to them instead of trying to intersect to much.  My son has had emotional regulation issues since infancy - specifically not sleeping, crying a lot, not being able to find a comfort mechanism.  He was formally diagnosed with bpd at 17 and is now 19.  He refuses treatment, because it always gets down to stopping the pot. So it has been a long number of years for me also and I fully empathize with you and wish you well.