BPDFamily.com

Hi...my daughter has BPD, which was disclosed to me by her psychologist. She is 37 years old and I’ve dealt with a lifetime of manipulation and heartache. I knew when she was three that she was strong willed, manipulative, very smart. She is very high functioning and a master mind manipulator. She now is a single parent and I worry about my granddaughter. My heart is broken, I’m suffering tremendous guilt and sorrow. My son has Bipolar Disorder diagnosed at age 10. My two children are both mentally ill. The sadness and guilt is overwhelming. I need support...I’m crumbling.

Hi SueEllen,

I understand where you are coming from!  Our daughter is 35 years old and although she has not been formally diagnosed with BPD (everyone else has a problem, not her), my therapist has a high suspicion that is what we are probably working with along with narcissistic tendencies.

You are not alone.  There are many people out there that are working through situations.  You're right - it is heart-breaking and sad, but please know you need to take care of you.  That's one thing I've learned from this site - we are important too.   

A book that my counselor suggested "Stop Walking on Eggshells" helped me a lot.  It was an easier read than most books I have read as it was more of someone talking to you instead of all the scientific explanations.

There are many places on this site to receive information.  Please read/watch all of them - they are very helpful.

Sending you hugs and prayers!  :hug:
Ione

I feel a lot of guilt about my partner because they blame me for everything that went wrong in their life. I can only imagine it must be a lot worse for you because as a parent you are taught to be responsible for your children, and you legally are when they are minors.

And yeah, maybe you did some things that exacerbated something. Don't we all? But you can't keep blaming yourself. It sounds like your daughter was extremely hard to raise and it sounds like you really tried hard with that. At some point you just have to forgive yourself. I went through a tough childhood, and I think my mom did a lot of things badly, but I don't blame her. She also did a lot of nice things too.

Your daughter blaming you is her inability to understand her own role in her OWN suffering. People who have that understanding do not perpetuate their suffering on others, and it is up to her to find that out on her own.

If you're blaming yourself then you haven't accepted that these illnesses are genetic. And what is worse is that for years parents were told it was due to abuse. Sexual abuse at a young age. And they were completely WRONG. It is almost always genetic. You did nothing wrong. My daughter was raised in a happy, positive healthy home and she got sick at 16. Even now at 33 she is in therapy and still talks about how happy her childhood was. But she acts just like her biological father. Exactly. And he has serious mood disorders. And she never saw him once since she was born, until she was in her late 20s. She has the exact same problems as her dad. Do yourself and your kids a big favor and stop blaming yourself. You will be in better shape to help yourself and get better. I only have one child. And she is in bad shape. I don't blame myself. I know I was a sweet and loving mom.  She does too. Hang in there.
Diana