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Title: My girlfriend is a tyrant Post by: Lala77 on July 16, 2020, 12:53:22 PM My gf has recently been diagnosed with bpd.no surprise really as her outbursts are all over the place. She ended up in a mental hospital at the beginning of june and has been out one month. She has depression, bpd, anxiety, ptsd and it seems a slew of other issues. I have a good sense of myself and have done a lot of work before we got together on myself but I swear her top priority is trying to knock me down. I no longer love her. She has effectively pushed me away. Calling me names, physically trying to intimidate me, scaring the animals in my house and then acting like nothing happened or just a casual I'm sorry. I can not bring myself to being intimate with her and I hold her accountable as I can for her actions. She does nothing.
Title: Re: My girlfriend is a tyrant Post by: formflier on July 16, 2020, 02:38:23 PM *welcome* I'm sorry you are having trouble in your relationship. Having someone that supposedly loves you try to "knock you down" is something almost everyone here has had happen. So I want to assure you that you have found people that "get it". https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship Please look at the above link and I'd be interested in your thoughts/reactions. I'll check back soon. Best, FF Title: Re: My girlfriend is a tyrant Post by: Football2000 on July 16, 2020, 03:16:10 PM I think a big part of people with unstable emotions and sense of self as in BPD, is for them to learn to understand the emotional sequence in their mind of feeling threatened and reacting towards that threat using something like DBT. If they don't do that, and don't even try to work on themselves, then they can't really make much progress.
For me, that is extremely frustrating, but also you have to let go of that. In fact, part of the frustration comes from a lifetime of experience with other friends and family, where if they tell me their problems then I feel like I can act as a catalyst for change. Due to the splitting and devaluations, it doesn't work very well a lot of the time with someone with BPD. Calmly move forward as best as you can with as strong a support group as you can. Keep your interests and learn the techniques like no JADEing and SET, etc. from this site to help your communication. I am hoping that you feel better soon. Title: Re: My girlfriend is a tyrant Post by: Cat Familiar on July 16, 2020, 04:04:02 PM Our policy is to direct new members to the Bettering board, so I am moving your post there. The emphasis of the Bettering board is to learn new strategies to deal with troubling behavior and ways of protecting ourselves from becoming immersed in our partner’s dysfunction. Whether or not you choose to continue this relationship, having these skills will serve you well.
Best, Cat Title: Re: My girlfriend is a tyrant Post by: Waddams on July 17, 2020, 10:37:19 AM JMHO - if you're not married, no kids, and no ties, then consider very carefully what level of disrespect you are willing to allow into your life and be willing to act to remove such disrespect and devaluing from your life.
It's not your job to fix her. It's her job. And if she won't do it, understand you can't. You can only make it worse the longer you stay involved. Being with the wrong person prevents you from getting with the right person. So if you're not too deep in, then get out before you get too deep in. |