BPDFamily.com

I am wondering if others can tell me how they cope once an episode of abuse has passed. I have learnt not to respond once it starts as this only escalates and prolongs it. But it still shatters me. Things are quiet for a while then BPD DD might come out of her room and ask me a question in a normal, friendly voice. Meanwhile I am still shattered. I know if I say anything about the incident it will just provoke another, worse one. I feel cornered by her abuse, but how can I just reclaim my inner peace more quickly? I managed to do this after some time - and usually a break from her as she has been going to stay at a friend's a few days a week (though I get urgent messages to come and get her etc and then all is usually my fault. Her last sentence at the end of this morning's tirade was 'I can't wait till you're dead and out of my life'. I feel exhausted dealing with this, but no there is no easy solution to change it. I'd like to be able to move on from the moments of abuse more quickly and easily. Perhaps you have some ways you do this? I would be grateful for any suggestions. As I mentioned, saying anything to her is not an option as it escalates the anger and abuse.

With my partner, who used to have very long rages, I learned to breath and focus on my breathing throughout the rage. I don't know if it's the best strategy but it helped me a little. A second strategy I have used is write everything down in a diary. It has helped me get stuff off my chest. Writing it down has also helped me figure out ways to respond without reacting in the moment, which often made it worse.

Thank you for these suggestions. I haven't tried either of these ways but I can see they would be helpful. I will start practising straight away. Need this badly at the moment.